Laughing with Sarah

It is 9:53 p.m. Both kiddos are asleep. The baby monitor is quiet. The dryer is tumbling with the last of the laundry. The living room lights are dim and cozy. I am stretched out on the couch with a cat at my feed, my knitting bag sitting next to me, ready for action. The remote control is also sitting next to me, in case I want a little background noise, but for now, the quiet is nice. I should be enjoying the moment and looking forward to an hour or so of unwind time before heading up to bed. But instead, my heart just won't quiet down and my brain can't settle, and I keep neurotically looking to the baby monitor, to catch any sound before it happens. And why? Because Sam said his tummy hurt. We watched the end of Finding Nemo tonight, and ate some popcorn. He was happy and sweet and wonderful. He was full of energy tonight, and was in great spirits. He played nicely with Ellie. He was helpful. He was funny. He was a good listener as Matt read him bedtime stories, and e...

It's been a heck of a week and a half, so apologies for the tardiness of this post! Here are some pictures for you. 39 weeks - December 23, 2016 - My last regular weekly belly shot! December 27, 2016, 5:00 a.m. - The very last belly shot before heading to the hospital for baby day! December 27, 2016, 8:00 a.m. - Welcome to the world, Eleanor Ann! A cute, chubby-cheeked GIRL, born 8lbs 8oz and 21 inches long. Our beautiful sweetheart. December 27, late morning - Mama gets back from recovery and gets her first real snuggles with Eleanor December 27, evening - Sam gets to hang out with his baby sister. He is immediately smitten. Enjoy the pictures for now. There's a lot more to the story! Still to come are a write-up of Eleanor's birth story (boring for her, a little more exciting for me), and then an account of the last couple days, which have found us up at Mayo Clinic with a sick baby needing emergency surgery at a tender nine days old. We're still...

" The Virgin with Child - 1(copyright 2009) " by Catherine Clarke, on Flickr I'm a pastor and therefore surrounded by church people all the time. People who flow along with the liturgical seasons as we move from church festival to church festival in the cycle of each year. December marks the season of Advent, a season of watching and waiting for Christmas. There are distinct themes of pregnancy during Advent, and themes of waiting. We count down the days until Christ's birth. We picture pregnant Mary visiting with pregnant Elizabeth. Which, of course, means that I am surrounded by thoughtful, insightful people who make the connection between the season and my current very-pregnant status. It is lovely. They all want to know what it is like to be pregnant during Advent, and they want to hear about what it is like for me, spiritually. And let me tell you. I want to find some deep meaning and connection between my pregnancy and the Advent/Christmas season. I want...

Two doctor's appointments have taken place since my last entry. The first one was quick and unsettling. It was a busy day and the clinic was running late, which wasn't a big deal for me, but seemed to up the anxiety of everybody around me. Weight was up a small but normal amount. Blood pressure still hovering in the 130s/80s. It was one of those half-naked appointments (fun times), to do the Group B strep swabs and a quick check for any progress whatsoever. Turns out this baby is hanging high, and there are absolutely no markers that (s)he is going anywhere anytime soon. Dr. Locke and I had another quick blood pressure chat, and even though I could tell that neither of us liked my numbers, he also said that, rationally, there was no reason to be worried. He said that, as a doctor, if he hadn't known my history, my BP numbers wouldn't cause him any concern. And so to be fair and reasoned with me as a professional, there was no sense in getting anxious. He also said tha...

After Wednesday's flurry of blood-pressure activity, I was scheduled for a blood pressure check and biophysical profile ultrasound for Thursday, and then another blood pressure check for Friday. For yesterday's BP check, they decided to go ahead and hook me up to the fancy machine that takes my blood pressure every two minutes over a span of fifteen minutes. I grabbed a book, settled into the chair, planted my feet flat on the floor, and watched my blood pressure settle lower and lower with each reading. My top number was back to normal - ranging from 122 at the highest to 118 or so at the lowest. My bottom number was still high - 80 to 83ish, but overall, things looked good. Then off to ultrasound for the biophysical profile, which is basically a very specific ultrasound that looks for specific markers of baby's health: amniotic fluid levels, general movement, fine movements, and thirty seconds straight of baby's practice breathing. The deal is that you have half a...

Sorry for the sporadic posting! It's not that I don't have things to say, but it has continued to be unexpectedly busy around these parts and all of my writing time and energy has been taken up by other tasks. Soon, hopefully, I'll find a few extra minutes to write out some thoughts about what it feels like to carry both the identity of "infertile" and "(almost) mom of two." But for tonight, just a couple pictures. I have started to feel huge to myself, and am morbidly curious about what I'll look like ten weeks from now...people are freely commenting on my belly in a "Wow, you're so pregnant!" way, which makes me totally self conscious. Anyway, you be the judge: 28 weeks - October 7, 2016 29 weeks - October 14, 2016

Here we are, moving right along. 25 weeks already. I'm not sure how much bigger I LOOK this week, but I FEEL like I had a major growth spurt. All of the sudden, when I sit down, I can feel my belly resting on my lap. And my body has decidedly less pep that it did a week ago. All of the sudden, bending and crouching are super-exhausting, my back has started to get sore by the end of the day, my legs feel consistently tired from carrying around the extra baby weight, and going up a flight of stairs too quickly leaves me unbelievably winded. Hot and humid days make my legs and fingers all puffy, and I can tell when I've been on my feet for too long. After a couple weeks of terrible sleeping, I have, thankfully, started to rest better at night. But my back is always sore in the morning. I am doing the daily heartburn vs. Tums battle, but thus far, I haven't been as miserably heartburn-y at night like I was with Sam. Meanwhile, Owlet has been doing a lot of stretching recently...

This is what I look like as of today: 21 weeks (August 19, 2016) Owlet is still wiggling up a storm, and the belly is definitely growing. I don't have another doctor's appointment until next Wednesday, when we'll get to talk over my ultrasound results in addition to the usual business of weight, blood pressure, Owlet's heart rate, etc. Funny (not so much) story: My ultrasound was last Friday, and the ultrasound tech was very kind. She did all her business, and then took time to show us fun pictures of Owlet wiggling around, and Owlet's crossed ankles, and cute profile shots and all. She told us that the radiologist would now look through the pictures and write a report, which would then be forwarded to my doctor, who would talk through the results with us. She warned us that this sometimes takes a couple of business days, and so, being a Friday, I didn't expect to hear anything until at least the middle of this week. I got a phone call on Monday morni...

Two "momentous" things today. First, I'm exactly 20 weeks! Which means that I am halfway through this pregnancy (minus a few days because, you know, planned c-section and all). It also means that it is time to start taking weekly bump pictures. I think that our bathroom mirror is particularly friendly, because I'm pretty sure that I'm bigger than this picture would suggest: 20 weeks (August 12, 2016) Second, we had our twenty week ultrasound today! Being a Friday, Sam and I started our morning with breakfast at Magpie, as usual, and then Matt picked us up and we all went over to the hospital together. We had explained to Sam that we were going to the doctor to see pictures of the baby. He was excited! Though I think that the "pictures" were not quite what he was expecting. We had a very nice ultrasound tech, and she explained that she was going to check a lot of things and take upwards of 100 pictures, but that she wouldn't be able to give ...

It finally happened. I had a freak-out. Took me nearly 10 weeks this time, which is pretty impressive. Yesterday we had our first OB visit. I'd met with the OB nurse coordinator a couple weeks ago to do a bunch of preliminary stuff, including bloodwork. Yesterday, we had our appointment with Dr. Locke. A lot of good conversation, especially about the complications with Sam's birth (but my perfect health for the entire pregnancy before that!). We talked through our IVF and FET cycles, and about plans and considerations for this pregnancy (repeat c-section, intentions to breastfeed, weight goals, nutrition goals, etc.) Once again, I will affirm just how much we love Dr. Locke! We did a basic physical exam, and again, everything seems healthy and fine. Uterus is measuring in the 8-9 week range, which Dr. Locke considers spot-on (except that I'm close to 10 weeks, so I don't know what to do with that). The only bugger was that we couldn't pick up a heartbeat on the ...

Here's the before and after shot from last Friday's egg retrieval. I love how the main difference in the two pictures is the presence of toast (or lack thereof). I guess this is your visual proof that my retrieval was uneventful and that I tolerated the sedation well. :) We left the house before 6:00 a.m., dropping Sam off at a friend's house (who would take him to daycare when it opened) on our way out. Our check-in time was 7:30 a.m. We got there just fine, checked in, and went up to the outpatient surgery floor, where I got all gowned up and IV-ed. We were all ready to go by about 8:20 a.m. And then we waited. And waited. And waited some more. Finally, around 9:30 a.m., they came to get me. I hopped up onto a wheely-bed, and they took me down to pre-surgery, where some nice nurses and a nice anesthesiologist all came to check in with me. And then more waiting. I was there about half an hour, during which time I did one of those "doze off and feel like I'm fal...

That's the theme of my last week. Up. Up. More up. Up to Rochester. Up for bloodwork and ultrasound on Friday. Up for bloodwork and ultrasound again today. As we get to the fine-tuning business as we near retrieval, up again, perhaps more frequently this week, to watch and micromanage meds until everything is just perfect. I'm not yet sick of the drive, which is good. But I'm also getting impatient and careless. I got pulled over this morning because I was rushing to get up for my appointment and was definitely going faster than the 55 mph speed limit. Thankfully, he was a wonderfully kind State Trooper who, upon learning that I'd never been stopped in Minnesota before, wasn't a regular commuter, and was on my way to a doctor's appointment, gave me a warning and a kindly suggestion to slow down and watch for Troopers down the road. :) Up go my numbers, slowly, finally. After last Wednesday's appointment, they bumped me up to 225 units of Gonal-F and 150 ...

Depending on how you count, we are either five or six days into our new IVF cycle. We started meds on Friday night. 150 Gonal-F and 75 Menopur for starters, and then they bumped me up to 225 Gonal-F and 75 Menopur after Monday morning's blood draw, which was itself a bit of an adventure. (They're remodeling the lab at our local hospital and can't process same-day results, which meant that I went through the bother of the blood draw only to have to drive up to Rochester - a 3 hour round trip - to re-do it that afternoon.) This morning, I rode with a friend up to Rochester for my next labwork. She had plans to be up here for the day and offered to give me a ride, which is lovely, because I'm going to be doing plenty of these round trip drives alone in the next week. Of course, her schedule vs. my schedule means that we left early - shortly after 7am - to get me here in time for my blood draw, which took about ten minutes total, from registration to getting up from the c...

I spent fifteen minutes on hold this morning with a customer service rep from one specialty pharmacy, while she waited on hold with a different specialty pharmacy so that she could track down a fax number for me. It is a weird, weird world out there, where your health insurance plan can partner with a different company to provide you a prescription plan, and said prescription company owns at least two specialty pharmacies through which they handle medications that your local pharmacy wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole, and sometimes those pharmacies get their information crossed, and sit on hold with each other to find you a stupid fax number. All this is to say that today's small (though unconfirmed) victory is that I found the right fax number for the right pharmacy so that the clinic can send in my order so that I can have meds in time to START OUR NEW ROUND OF IVF THIS FRIDAY! Yes, the time has come. I've been writing about it for a while now, because it has invo...

Just a quick update from last Wednesday's 37 week appointment. Nothing much to report. After two big weight gains in a row prior to last week's appointment, my weight held steady from 36 to 37 weeks. That was nice. Hopefully it means some of the crazy water weight and swelling are slowing down. Blood pressure is fine - holding steady at my usual pre-pregnancy levels. Baby is still head down, but definitely not dropped yet, heartbeat is 140, belly is measuring on target. My group B strep test came back negative, so that's good. And that's about it. My next appointment is this Wednesday, and the plan is to re-check me for any progress. I am not feeling convinced that there's going to be much of a change from two weeks ago when we last did that. I haven't been feeling any contractions that I know of. Occasional moments of soreness under my belly, and very occasional cramping, but everything that you read about pre-labor contractions talks about a noticeable tig...

This morning was the first of our every-week appointments. It was packed with lots of stuff. First, weight. Five more pounds up over two weeks ago. All water, really. Nobody is concerned, which is heartening. My blood pressure was similar to last time - 122/80 - so nobody is worrying about the swelling in my feet and legs. My doctor just feels bad for me. :) It took forever to track down hedgehog's heartbeat today; probably because, at this point, the baby in my belly is, well, a pretty fully-formed baby, and so there are limbs and backs and bones and fat, and you have to monkey around to find a chest shot with the doppler. But heartbeat/belly measurements were nothing out of the ordinary. Baby is still head-down, though not at all engaged. Still floating. Dr. Locke did some feeling around on my belly and suspects that "we aren't winning any size awards" with this baby, meaning that he suspects a small-to-average baby. I'm TOTALLY fine with that. But we shall ...

We are now in week thirty-six. Crazy. Physically, I feel better than I did for most of last week - sometime overnight, late in the week, I think hedgehog shifted position, so my stomach removed itself from my throat, which made both my heartburn and queasiness feel a lot better, and meant that I've had a few nights now of better sleep. Not great sleep...but the getting up twice to use the bathroom sort of wakefulness, not the waking up every hour because my heartburn and tummy felt so awful. That being said, I have pretty much slowed to a screeching halt. I am tired all the time. Not sleepy, necessarily, but my body is slow and cranky. I don't really bend anymore, and I go through stretches when my belly just feels sore from doing routine things, like rolling over in bed. I'm super-slow, and having a harder and harder time doing any physical sort of stuff, which is frustrating, because lots of my routine house chores are far more physical than I ever gave them credit...

Thirty-five weeks over here. Actually, halfway between thirty-five and thirty-six weeks today. It's been a...rough...few days. We're getting so close to the end, and I was telling Matt last night that I had fooled myself into thinking that I had not complained much during this pregnancy because I was dealing so well with it. But the truth is that for most of the pregnancy, there was nothing really to complain about. I don't say that to gloat. I say that because I know how many women deal with so much discomfort and pain and illness during pregnancy. But last night, I hit a wall. Just flat-out broke down in tears for a few minutes. For starters, this whole heartburn thing is not just old or uncomfortable at this point, it really drives you a little insane. Having to be strategic about what I eat and when I eat it, about how many pillows I sleep on and which side I sleep on, and managing how many Tums I feel safe eating when things feel really bad. And everything - ...

Over the weekend, all of the late pregnancy symptoms that I'd avoided seemed to hit all at once. Persistent heartburn (ok, nothing new there, but bummed that it's still so prevalent), swollen fingers and ankles and feet, extreme difficulty sleeping at night, general soreness under my belly and into my hips. Monday night especially, my ankles totally disappeared. It kind of freaked me out. So I've been drinking tons of water, and trying to keep my feet up the best I can, and I'm trying to do more walking, because that's also supposed to help. Today was my next regular doctor's appointment. Nothing terribly remarkable. Dr. Locke only mentioned my falling down the stairs/L&D stint in passing, just to assure me that I did the right thing; glad we didn't have to rehash my embarrassment over that silly night. I gained five pounds in two weeks, which Dr. Locke said is pretty impossible to do from just eating, so it is probably swelling/water weight. He c...

Sunday morning, after church, more than one person asked me what the countdown was. Up until this point, people had been asking me how many weeks along I was, but we've now shifted. People are starting to ask how many weeks I have LEFT. We are barreling toward the end. Worry comes in weird waves these days. Things that I am worried about: Health and hedgehog's health. There's no reason for me to believe that everything isn't just normal and fine. But we're at this point where we're SO CLOSE to this baby, and this milestone that has been unreachable for five years now. I have no reason to believe things are going to go wrong. But I'm getting overly anxious about it in these last weeks, sort of like I felt at the beginning of the pregnancy. Especially because, at this point, we could deliver at any time if absolutely necessary. So I don't want to take any chances or miss any signals. Hence my freaking out about falling down the stairs, and my big anx...