Laughing with Sarah

You are right if you figured that my radio silence over the weekend meant bad news. I made it the full week from transfer to blood draw with no bleeding (unlike last time), but with no hint of any pregnancy symptoms (like last time). After the blood draw, we spent the rest of Friday morning at the Arboretum, which was lovely. A good sunny day for taking walks, eating lunch outside, lingering in conversation, and storming the freezer case for ice cream cones. I got the bad-news phone call just before we were about to leave for the airport, where I was dropping Matt off for a weekend in California for a friend's wedding. I was stuck at home for the weekend because I had to perform a wedding. After I dropped Matt at the airport, I wandered around downtown Naperville before the evening's wedding rehearsal, and then both the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner were far more enjoyable than I had been expecting. I winked to myself as I drank both a glass of wine and a cup of

So I am definitely more detached this cycle than last. That'll happen with fewer medications, far fewer office visits, and only one surgery center visit. It is still way too early to be looking for symptoms, so I have been trying to be a good, patient girl. But today I had a funny moment when a few things happened all at once. First, a funny boobs-on-fire moment. And then an adrenaline rush as I considered for the first time this cycle that this could actually happen. And then the butterflies in my tummy started feeling like queasy little buggers and I felt some cramping/pulling/twinges in my abdomen. And then just as quickly as that all happened, it was over. And even though I haven't felt quite like myself all afternoon and evening since that funny moment, I haven't had any of those symptoms return. I'm not thinking that this funny moment means anything. But if things turn out positive, then I will consider this moment the "awakening." But really,

Today was our frozen embryo transfer!  Both frozen blasts thawed well and expanded like they were supposed to, so both of them were good for being transferred. All ready to go! Beauty and the Astronaut Unlike last time, I drank a NORMAL amount of water instead of a HUGE amount of water (the procedure is ultrasound guided so you need a full bladder...fun times).  And since I wasn't in pain/feeling like I was going to explode during the procedure, I actually paid a little more attention to what was going on.  Two thoughts: First, that no matter what you do, the transfer isn't a comfortable  thing.  Lots of poking and prodding.  Second, that there is absolutely no shame when it comes to a procedure like this.  You're pretty darn on display for the doctor and nurses and embryologist.  Ah, the things we do to try to have babies... I've spent all afternoon on the couch, resting and keeping my feet up.  Even though most doctors these days don't think bedre

Here it goes again, indeed... Did another round of bloodwork and ultrasound last Saturday morning, and got the good news phone call Saturday afternoon that this week is transfer week! Last injection was Saturday night. Starting yesterday then, a routine of both estrogen and progesterone, along with the usual low-dose aspirin and prenatal vitamin, and then embryo transfer on Thursday! Praying for good thawing on Thursday so that we have both of our frozen blasts to transfer. And hoping and praying that at least one sticks this time. I'm not feeling confident, but I know that by Thursday, I will be unbelievably hopeful. Keeping my fingers crossed...

I've been thinking the last few days.  I've been thinking, though not coherent or connected thoughts. I've been thinking about the monotony of this cycle, and its slow, nonanxious pace.  I had my second bloodwork and ultrasound this morning.  I'm still plugging along.  But I have no idea yet what the schedule looks for our transfer date.  I'm hoping that it could be Thursday of next week, but I'm wondering if I'll get pushed off to Thursday of the following week. I've been thinking about whether I expect this cycle to work or not.  If our two best blasts didn't take during the fresh cycle, then why should our third and fourth best blasts work this time? I've been thinking that despite the hype, IVF is really just an expensive way to deal with the same uncertainty and odds that you would deal with if you were able to just try normally.  So I suppose that I expect repeated failure. I've been thinking that we will of course go ahead with

FET cycles are slow and boring.  Just thought I'd let you know. A long stretch of injections, but only a tiny dosage.  And then adding to the routine some teensy tiny pills.  And far fewer blood draws and ultrasounds.  Which makes everything feel quite casual. There are two (marginally) notable things about this cycle so far, however. First, that I bit the bullet and successfully stuck myself with a needle!  More than once!  Having guests staying at our place, Matt being gone for a weekend - both of those things made me feel bold to try giving myself the injection, and even though I FAR prefer to have Matt do them for me, I have successfully injected myself 3 or 4 times this cycle. Second, my baseline blood draw and ultrasound took place last week, and Matt was sick, so I went all by myself.  And it might not sound like a big deal, but this is my first solo blood draw in six years...and that last solo blood draw is the one that initially turned me off to the whole idea of n