Laughing with Sarah

I shouldn't be so suprised that things got very quiet here after Samuel's birth...but there's been so much on my mind and heart it is yet a wonder that I haven't written anything since writing out the epic version of Samuel's birth story and my recovery. Let's begin by stating the obvious: I am 100% in love with Sam. He is adorable, and sweet, and even when he is fussy, he is so darn cute that I melt, even when I would rather get frustrated. And let's begin by stating something else obvious: Our lives are 100% changed. It's hard to remember life before Sam, hard to remember what it felt like to be pregnant, hard to remember what a full night's sleep feels like, hard to imagine going back to work and post-maternity leave "real life." And it's all totally worth it. In the last five weeks, I've thought about many things: Even though the last few weeks were really pretty miserable (more than I let myself believe in the moment), I do ind

(To read all of Samuel's birth story and my hospital stay/recovery, begin here:  Tuesday, November 19 , Wednesday, November 20 ,  Thursday, November 21 , Friday, November 22 , Saturday, November 23 , Sunday, November 24 , Monday, November 25 ) It is really hard to process everything that happened to me. I was so groggy through so much of it. I don't know what I remember versus what was told to me versus what I've seen pictures of. In the moment, I never felt particularly traumatized by anything that was happening. Looking back, it is amazing to me how many complications piled on, one after another. I can't say that my experience strayed from any ideal birth plan that I had, since I had been so careful not to have any hard and fast expectations about the birth. At the same time, who would ever plan for preeclampsia, a failed induction, a c-section under general anesthesia, and days of dealing with the weak fogginess of low hemoglobin levels. As I've done a littl

(To follow the whole story, begin here:  Tuesday, November 19 , Wednesday, November 20 ,  Thursday, November 21 , Friday, November 22 , Saturday, November 23 , Sunday, November 24 ) Monday was a lot of hurry up and wait. We had no plans to leave the hospital until the afternoon. The OB department was busy again, which meant busy nurses who weren't around a lot. My parents came over for a little bit, I took another shower, we worked through a lot of discharge paperwork, Jenine came to visit, Matt did a pharmacy run, I watched some Food Network, we learned how to give Samuel a bath, we had further conversations about Samuel's weight and formula supplementation, but my nurses also were convinced that my milk had started to come in and we were on the road back to exclusive breastfeeding. About 4pm, we dressed Samuel up in his going-home outfit, signed the last of the paperwork, cut off all of his (and my) bracelets and tags, and headed out! My parents had decorated the kit

(To follow the whole story, begin here:  Tuesday, November 19 , Wednesday, November 20 ,  Thursday, November 21 , Friday, November 22 , Saturday, November 23 ) Sunday morning, I held onto Samuel after his morning feed. Dr. Locke stopped by to give me the good news that my hemoglobin was trending up, even if it was still low, and that he wasn't ordering any labs for me on Monday. I ate breakfast and watched some TV, and even shuffled around the room a tiny bit after they took my booties off. We had a surprise visit from a couple from church late morning, and then I got to do something awesome: take a shower. And not just that, but put on real clothes afterward. That was another step toward feeling human, like myself. Then Matt ran off to feed the cats and do a Culver's run (to escape another hospital meal...probably a bit of a mistake....). Then we snuggled in and watched football, and napped, and FaceTimed with Beth and Nick. After dinner, my parents returned (they are

(To follow the whole story, begin here:  Tuesday, November 19 , Wednesday, November 20 ,  Thursday, November 21 , Friday, November 22 ) My family was around for a while on Saturday morning - kept me company while Matt went home to take a shower and grab a few odds and ends from home that we hadn't managed to get into our hospital bag. My favorite overnight nurse had been called in on Saturday because there were lots of deliveries and they were short-handed, so it was really great to see her again! All of my nurses were pretty great, but she was the one who took care of me during Wednesday night's induction, and every night after that. I felt a special bond with her. My family left late morning to head back to Chicago - Steph needed to get back to work and my parents needed to be at church on Sunday. Matt and I hung out in the afternoon, and Chad came over to meet the baby for the first time. I remember that I felt really groggy during his visit, which was frustrating be

(To follow the whole story, begin here:  Tuesday, November 19 , Wednesday, November 20 ,  Thursday, November 21 ) Friday morning they did labs again, and found that while my liver enzymes were getting back to normal, my platelets still needed a little work, and, for no apparent reason, my hemoglobin had tanked. Dropped from 11 to 6.7. Disheartening to have yet another complication. Dr. Locke told me that they could - if need be - give me a unit or two of blood to help that number come up, but that the first thing to do was simply wait and see. As long as I was asymptomatic - not fainting or anything - there was no rush to do anything. He also told me that he was going to be out of town the rest of the day and most of the next day, which bummed me out more than it should have. Of course there were plenty of other doctors to take care of me, but I remember feeling a little anxious about his leaving. At about 8:00 - 24 hours after Samuel's birth - they took me off the magnesium

To follow the whole story, begin here: Tuesday, November 19 Wednesday, November 20 I think that it was about 4am when the decision was made to start the pitocin, regardless of my slow cervix. Part of me was happy that we'd be making more progress soon, and part of me was just. so. tired. They started the drip in my left arm, and I did start to feel a few small contractions. They did repeat labs to check on my enzyme level and all that jazz. It was when those results came back that things moved into quick motion. As it turns out, my platelets had tanked overnight. Dropping from something like 140 to 78. And it's not that 78 is a dangerous number, though it's low, but the concern was for how quickly my preeclampsia had progressed. Dr. Locke commented that even with the pitocin, it'd be at least another 12 hours before we delivered, and he didn't want to risk my platelets continuing to drop. So we were back in "get this baby out as soon as possible"

To follow the whole story, begin here: Tuesday, November 19 At around 6am Wednesday, when I wondered whether to start timing the pain in my upper belly, the nature of the pain changed. It didn't come and go, it just stuck around. I still wondered/hoped that this might be labor, but as I felt worse and worse, I also started to worry about whether I'd be able to handle labor if I was already feeling so in pain and sick. I hopped in the bath at about 7, which was wonderful. I shaved my legs - just in case! - and washed my hair, because the prospect of standing in a shower just sounded like too much. Out of the bath, though, I was still so very uncomfortable. And a little worried. About what, I didn't know. We had a regular 39 week OB appointment scheduled with Dr. Locke later that morning, so I just figured I'd hold on until then. If it was labor, he could help me figure it out. If it was something else, we'd take care of it. Just in case, I edited and repacked my

Tuesday was a normal day. I tried to get as much accomplished at work as I could. Matt and I had made plans for a "Taco Tuesday" date at the BBQ place downtown, trying out a little spicy food to start the eviction process for our little hedgehog. Spicy food at night would be heartburn disaster, but at lunch, I was willing to give it a go. I'd been feeling pretty good, other than hedgehog's foot being permanently lodged in my right rib. The crazy painful heartburn was taking a couple days off. The only real issue was my giant legs and feet. Wow. I was getting really tired of the swelling, and the way that I had no shoes that fit other than flip-flops, and at the end of November, that's a little chilly... Tuesday evening, we did some cleaning and laundry. Even though it got late and I had to leave one load of baby laundry in the dryer overnight, I somehow found the energy and initiative to fold and put away all the rest of my laundry. I wondered if that counted as