Laughing with Sarah

We went on a family vacation last week. There were many parts to it: driving to Des Moines, where Matt had a conference to attend. Sam and Ellie and I spent a day and half exploring the city. We went to the zoo and to the science center, swam in the hotel pool, and stuffed ourselves silly with good food. From there, we flew to New Jersey to visit Matt's family. The flight to NJ was uneventful and wonderful. Our kids really are great travelers. In New Jersey, we took an overnight trip up to Massachusetts to visit Matt's brother and family, and we took a day trip into New York City. Also great trips. Seriously. Our kids are great travelers. The night before we flew back to Iowa, we gave the kids a bath and changed them in to pajamas before Matt's grandmother ("GG," to the kids) came over for quick goodbye visit and playtime with Sam and Ellie. Earlier in the week, Ellie had received the gift of a superhero cape and crown, which she wore around ...

The change of seasons from summer into fall and winter has always been a time that stirs up nostalgia in me. This is the season of preparing for holiday celebrations, and I feel nostalgic for a whole series of small, one-off memories of otherwise long-forgotten or even insignificant moments from childhood Thanksgiving and Christmas preparations. This is the season of college Christmasfest rehearsals, and I feel nostalgic for choir memories, for college moments, and for the days when there was the perfect mix of of alone time time, quiet space, and coming-of-age introspection. In recent years, this is the season of saying the long goodbye to my father, which evokes a different sense of nostalgia, laden with a lot of "what ifs" and "if we had only knowns." And so this is also a season where I feel nostalgic for all memories of my dad and all the things that I associate with him - food (especially holiday meals and treats), music (especially holiday music), and f...

It hasn't been the best day. So I baked brownies. This morning, Sam and I waged epic battle over what shirt to wear. He insisted short sleeves, I insisted long sleeves. This led to an out and out refusal to wear a shirt at all. After about an hour of pleading, yelling, whispering, drawer slamming, bribery, guilt trips, reverse psychology, love & logic, and every other parenting maneuver (good, bad, and ugly)...he still was wearing no shirt. So I did what any reasonable parent would do. I picked him up, carried my shoeless and shirtless child to the car, and strapped him into the car seat, throwing a pair of shoes and a long-sleeved shirt into the front seat of the car. I put Ellie in her car seat and away we went. I naively believed that Sam would calm down during the drive and feel compelled to put on shoes and shirt when we got to school. Ha. He spent the whole drive demanding that I turn around, go home, and find him a short-sleeved shirt. We got to school and he r...

It is 9:53 p.m. Both kiddos are asleep. The baby monitor is quiet. The dryer is tumbling with the last of the laundry. The living room lights are dim and cozy. I am stretched out on the couch with a cat at my feed, my knitting bag sitting next to me, ready for action. The remote control is also sitting next to me, in case I want a little background noise, but for now, the quiet is nice. I should be enjoying the moment and looking forward to an hour or so of unwind time before heading up to bed. But instead, my heart just won't quiet down and my brain can't settle, and I keep neurotically looking to the baby monitor, to catch any sound before it happens. And why? Because Sam said his tummy hurt. We watched the end of Finding Nemo tonight, and ate some popcorn. He was happy and sweet and wonderful. He was full of energy tonight, and was in great spirits. He played nicely with Ellie. He was helpful. He was funny. He was a good listener as Matt read him bedtime stories, and e...

Otherwise you'd cry. 7:30 a.m.: While snuggling with Ellie in bed and feeling grateful that it is Friday (my day off), I realize that Sam is still quiet, and wonder if I should wake him up or let him keep sleeping. It was a late bedtime last night, and very frustrating, and the boy needs his sleep. Except that Matt is about to leave for work, and if I am going to start the morning routine, it might be better to get Sam up now while there are two of us grown-ups. 7:50 a.m.: Wake Sam up. (This was my first mistake). He wakes up happy, and sleepily jumps out of bed to put on clothes because he is excited to go to Magpie for breakfast, like we do every Friday. He tells me that he is going to order a yogurt parfait. Before getting dressed, Sam asks me to read him a book. So I do. Then he asks me to read another book. So I do. 8:00 a.m.: Realize that I really really have to use the bathroom. Sam asks me to read him a third book, and I tell him that I will do it as soon as I am done...

This is the original of the picture that I posted to Instagram and Facebook yesterday, on Mother's Day. I posted it with the following caption: Never imagined I'd ever take a picture like this. My miracles number one and number two. #picaday #motheroftwo #babyeleanorann #bigbrothersam #mothersday #proudmama #ivf #infertilityjourney For anyone who has ever struggled with infertility, loss, or childlessness (by choice or not), or anyone who grieves the loss of a mother or a relationship with her mother, Mother's Day is a complicated holiday. For me as a daughter, I am one of the lucky ones. I have a fantastic mom, and we have a fantastic relationship. I have a wonderful mother-in-law, and we, too, have a wonderful relationship. But for me as a mother, my emotions on Mother's Day are still plenty complicated. My life these days is busy. Pleasantly so. My days are full of church and family, work projects and home projects, cooking, not enough cleaning, not nearly e...

Three months...and twelve days... (April 8, 2017) Four months (April 28, 2017) Once again, two months have flown by in the blink of an eye. All of the sudden, my little newborn is not so little anymore. Eleanor, you are bright-eyed, curious, emotive, sweet, smiley, easygoing, and feeling so much older than just your short four months on this earth. On the health front, you are doing great. At your four month check-up last week, you checked in as a long skinny baby who is pretty darn ahead of the curve when it comes to developmental milestones. It was nice to be at the doctor and have only good news. Earlier in March, you had a weird vomiting episode that sent us back up to the St. Mary's emergency department to get checked out. The good news is that everything was fine, inside-belly-wise (you tackled the repeat upper GI test like a pro!). The bad news is that you had sprouted an incisional hernia under your previous incision (a little soft lump poking out of your belly)...

I've had two doctor appointments since I last showed up 'round these parts! One yesterday, one two weeks ago. Both incredibly uneventful. A nice, normal weight gain two weeks ago, a negligible weight gain between then and yesterday. Blood pressure still low. Belly measuring like it should. Owlet's heartbeat easy to find and normal. My next appointment is in another two weeks, and part of that day will be sitting with Dr. Davis, my surgeon, for a c-section consultation. Also, my next appointment is my last every-two-week appointment. After that, we go every week until Owlet gets here. We are officially on the schedule for a December 27 c-section (provided I make it that long). That is six weeks from yesterday. Yikes! Over this past weekend, I feel like a whole new batch of pregnancy hormones must have kicked in. Despite not really gaining any weight in the last two weeks, I spent the weekend feeling (and looking) like I had gained, like, ten pounds. My belly started to f...

Welcome, back, family members who have been shut out of this blog for a few weeks! We finally shared the news with both sides of our family this past week, so I can now come out of hiding (not that I managed to write a whole lot during the weeks I kept the blog private or anything). First of all, I realized that I never followed up on my last anxious post! Oops. I went back to the doctor a week later for a quick, off-the-books heartbeat check. I went into the office with high hopes but few expectations, and even fewer emotional back-up plans in the event that we still couldn't hear anything. Dr. Locke asked me how I was feeling, and whether my belly had started feeling any bigger to me yet or not. And then out came the doppler. It took about six seconds before we heard the glorious sound of that teeny heartbeat, galloping away inside my belly. I had scrunched my eyes closed from the moment I got onto the table, and once I heard that sound, I got a little teary, and a huge smil...

Thirteen months (or so) - January 5, 2015 Fourteen months - January 29, 2015 I'm writing this over breakfast, Sam, a week past your 14 month birthday, a month and a week past your 13 month birthday. You are eating Cheerios off of your tray. You just finished a big bowl of oatmeal and yogurt. During breakfast, you've been practicing your baby signs, which you just figured out in the last couple weeks. You signed "more, please" when you wanted another bite. You signed "milk" when you wanted your cup, even though it's a cup of water and we just started working on the sign for "water" today. You said "all done" when the bowl was empty, and signed "eat" when you wanted some post-oatmeal Cheerios to munch on. We practiced signs for "bathtime" and "sleep" and "kitty" and "mama" and "daddy." You love saying "da-da" like you mean it, but you can't quite get your...

Eleven months - October 24, 2014 Well, I think it is my fault. I blinked. And when I did, you took advantage of the moment to get another month older, Sammy. This has been a month of rapid changes. Every day you are a different kid. You keep moving farther and farther away from being a baby, and closer and closer to being a sweet little boy. Standing up is old news for you by now. It takes very little effort to pull yourself up. You grab the couch, or a chair, or a bookshelf, or mommy's legs, and stand up tall. You have started cruising around furniture, walking very carefully while holding on. We have a wheeled toy that transforms from a sit-and-scoot bicycle to a stand-up walker, and you have mastered the art of walking around the living room while pushing it ahead of you. You aren't quite interested in trying to walk while holding onto mama or daddy's hands, but I'm sure that will happen very soon. You are a boy on the move. You scoot around the house, chasin...

Ten months - September 26, 2014 Well, little Sammy, I'm writing this post with a lukewarm cup of coffee by my side, trying to keep my eyes open after a second night in a row of bad sleeping on your part. It's a good thing that you are darn cute... Cute and kind and funny and sweet, that is. :) You are now ten months old (plus a few days), and you are a little man on the move. You're so busy that you're still hugging that skinny 10th percentile curve for weight. And it doesn't seem matter how many bites you take of scrambled eggs, quiche, muffins, grapes, chicken, shrimp, rice, Cheerios, pasta, bagels, donuts, bread, yogurt, squash, or anything else. You love playing and you love eating. Eating will get easier and easier as you get more teeth. You have two big ones on the bottom, plus a third one that is poking its way through. Someday you'll have top teeth, and then you'll figure out that chewing is the best. You've been a good sport about teeth...

I have an eight month update (with picture!) languishing in my queue, but before I have time to finish up that post, I need to speak my peace. I was putting Sam to bed last night, and had one of those distinct "Wow, I love this sleepy little guy so so so very much" moments...followed immediately by the thought, "And you know what? I think I'm doing a pretty good job at this whole mom thing." It wasn't so much a self-congratulatory thing as it was a freeing realization that I love Sam, and Matt and I do our very best to keep him healthy and happy, and you know what? For the most part, he's a healthy, happy kid. So I think that counts as success. I say this because in these first eight months, I have said very little about the "shoulds" that pile up around the feet of new moms. For my own part, I think I did a good job of ignoring most of them, except for a brief couple of weeks when I thought that maybe I should think about getting Sam o...