Laughing with Sarah

Embryo transfer took place on April 14. I had some low cramping immediately after the procedure, and for the next couple days, which seemed like normal "we totally just irritated your uterus" aftermath. Then cramping for a couple more days. And then a day off. And then, cramping all over again, feeling increasingly like regular PMS cramps as we headed into our blood draw this past Saturday morning. During those eleven days between transfer and blood draw, little bits of boob soreness, but nothing major. A day where food made me a little queasy (shortly after one of my co-workers had a nasty stomach bug). A tiny bit of spotting. Basically, eleven days of symptoms that were all equally as likely to be pregnancy-related, PMS-related, or progesterone-supplement-related. Also, I had logged into my patient account during the eleven day wait, just to read through the reports following transfer, and learned there that the grade A blastocyst that they thawed and transferred wa...

Today is Monday. I am currently four days past embryo transfer, and feeling curious about whether I am pregnant, though not anxious. How far we've come in all of this, that I could have such a deep and yet such a loose hold on the outcome of this cycle. More on that in a moment. Probably our best pre-transfer selfie ever! First of all - what? You didn't know that we had started another cycle? Oh right. Because I never mentioned it. Maybe all of this has become routine enough that I haven't felt the need to chronicle it all? Maybe frozen cycles are more of an obnoxious and tedious process rather than the excitement of a fresh cycle? Maybe we've just been busy? Anyway, we started a cycle mid-March. Protocol was birth control pills for a month, then pills and Lupron injections for five days, and then Lupron injections and estrogen pills for a couple weeks, transitioning to just estrogen pills and progesterone up until transfer, and continuing through my pregnancy te...

Confirmed: No pregnancy this cycle. I had a pretty good sense by Thursday evening that this round hadn't been successful, and the blood draw Friday morning confirmed it. We are sad, definitely. And frustrated. And a little part of me is feeling flashes of the despair of five cycles in a row to get Sam. But mostly? We're doing fine. I am feeling strangely at peace. As I mentioned before, my biggest fear and concern with this cycle was getting any useful number of embryos to freeze, and we have six - SIX! - frozen. So that made this cycle feel successful to me, even if not in the way that I would have most wanted. We will pursue a frozen cycle sometime after the new year (no sense in squishing one in during one of the busiest times of the year for me). Meanwhile, I am itching to get back to running, and it couldn't hurt me to fix up my sleeping and eating habits a little bit as well. So even as we head toward the holidays, I am looking forward to making a little extra...

Been a little quiet around here. Flying a bit under the radar. Let's get caught up, shall we? First, I knit a hedgehog. I named him Lucky. Next, I put on a pair of these, which I might also have deemed "lucky." Then, Lucky and my lucky socks came with me here: And today, eight days later, THIS happened: Yup. A little bit pregnant. Given my history, I really want to type that sentence as "a little bit pregnant...at least for now." But I've only known this information for an hour. So I'm going to let myself be happy and excited, the best I can! No sense getting all dreary. Because HELLO! This is crazy awesome news! I have crossed from "pregnant until proven otherwise" to squarely "pregnant." Woohoo! Sorry for doing a FET and not saying much about it. It's nice to be sneaky sometimes.

Back at another FET cycle. Met with Dr. Morris last week, and we talked all sorts of numbers, and in no way does he think it is reckless or unwise or silly to jump right back into another transfer cycle...and it's so much very bad luck, but there is nothing else going on, and no reason to believe anything bad is going on. And he was so sweet to us, so gentle and kind, and even hugged me on the way out and asked how I was holding up. Also, back at my diet and exercise. Day one all over again. I spent so much of the summer getting healthy, and then got busy and stopped exercising and started eating out too much, and started feeling bleh. So I went for a run tonight, even though it was dark, even though I was nursing a migraine hangover, even though I was cold and tired. And it was a great run.  Felt good to work off my stress, to take my mind off of busy-ness at work and worries about discernment and frustration over trying to conceive.  And I'm making good food choices...

I just got off the phone with my RE's office, taking care of three items of business that are all big in their own ways. I called in to get things started for another frozen transfer cycle. No sense in waiting. So just like that, we are onto another cycle of meds and blood draws and ultrasounds leading up to a fourth embryo transfer. I want to feel hopeful, but right now, I can only assume that this cycle will end up like all three of the others. I mean, a lot of me is pressing forward because hey, we have at least six good embryos frozen and it'd be a shame not to go ahead and keep trying. I know that I'll bounce back, but right now, I'll admit that I have a pretty lousy attitude going into this cycle, even if I passionately want to press ahead and do it. So related to this, I also scheduled a consult with my RE to ask the same question I asked last time, "Is there anything that we should be looking for, or anything we should do differently, or any possib...

It feels like summer today.  Not like it is October 24th. Sunny, blue skies, 77 degrees outside. Beautiful weather. Like summer the way summer should be. Perfect weather for a Summer Shandy, don't you think? Yes. The small upside in getting the "not-pregnant" phone call after today's blood draw is that at least I could drink one of those and enjoy the sun. Not sure I can articulate any other upsides, because really, it sucks that this is our third embryo transfer and it is our third failure.  And I don't quite know what to think about it all. If I think too hard, I just cry, and that gets ugly after a bit, trust me.  So for now, I'm just going to focus on the sun, and the business of these next days, and gear up for whatever it is that comes next.

Ready for transfer! All smiles and gowns and jumpsuits... Post-transfer and happy, ready for 30 minutes of flat-on-back time   All set up for spending the rest of the afternoon off of my feet, just to be safe. I'm wearing my lucky socks (knit specifically for the IVF cycle)! Also notice the necessary items for a couch-bound afternoon: knitting, magazines, chocolate, and television.

Today was our frozen embryo transfer!  Both frozen blasts thawed well and expanded like they were supposed to, so both of them were good for being transferred. All ready to go! Beauty and the Astronaut Unlike last time, I drank a NORMAL amount of water instead of a HUGE amount of water (the procedure is ultrasound guided so you need a full bladder...fun times).  And since I wasn't in pain/feeling like I was going to explode during the procedure, I actually paid a little more attention to what was going on.  Two thoughts: First, that no matter what you do, the transfer isn't a comfortable  thing.  Lots of poking and prodding.  Second, that there is absolutely no shame when it comes to a procedure like this.  You're pretty darn on display for the doctor and nurses and embryologist.  Ah, the things we do to try to have babies... I've spent all afternoon on the couch, resting and keeping my feet up.  Even though most doctors thes...

Here it goes again, indeed... Did another round of bloodwork and ultrasound last Saturday morning, and got the good news phone call Saturday afternoon that this week is transfer week! Last injection was Saturday night. Starting yesterday then, a routine of both estrogen and progesterone, along with the usual low-dose aspirin and prenatal vitamin, and then embryo transfer on Thursday! Praying for good thawing on Thursday so that we have both of our frozen blasts to transfer. And hoping and praying that at least one sticks this time. I'm not feeling confident, but I know that by Thursday, I will be unbelievably hopeful. Keeping my fingers crossed...

Days never move so slowly as when you are waiting. And especially when you are waiting for something over which you have no control. Saturday and Sunday and yesterday, I felt so optimistic and hopeful about the chance that at least one of our transfers might implant. This morning, I woke up and felt decidedly not pregnant. Don't get me wrong - I hadn't felt particularly pregnant any of these last three days, but today, it hit me just how not-pregnant I felt. I woke up this morning feeling a little bloated and kind of crampy, but cannot for the life of me convince myself that this could be a good sign. I can only convince myself that it means we have already struck out this round. I've had one person tell me that the beauty of this post-transfer wait is that I can consider myself "pregnant until proven otherwise." I've had another person tell me that this post-transfer week of waiting was the hardest thing she had ever done. I so wish that I could...

Just shy of three weeks ago we were here: So many meds! Needles... And vials, and a sharps container... And an injection pen... And then this morning... Matt looks like an astronaut... And we are all smiley as we head in for our embryo transfer!! So this morning, we transferred two day-five blastocysts, both having come through their preimplantation genetic diagnosis looking great! And then a third blast also came through PGD looking great, so that one is all set to be frozen for a future cycle, and there is one other blast that they sent off for testing this morning, and if that one looks good, they'll freeze that one as well! Beyond that, there are two iffy embryos that don't look promising, but that are still growing, so my RE will keep an eye on them as well. This news was a huge relief after last night, when I got an email from Dr. Morris telling me that three embryos had reached blastocyst stage and were sent off for genetic testing, but t...