That's the theme of my last week. Up. Up. More up.
Up to Rochester. Up for bloodwork and ultrasound on Friday. Up for bloodwork and ultrasound again today. As we get to the fine-tuning business as we near retrieval, up again, perhaps more frequently this week, to watch and micromanage meds until everything is just perfect. I'm not yet sick of the drive, which is good. But I'm also getting impatient and careless. I got pulled over this morning because I was rushing to get up for my appointment and was definitely going faster than the 55 mph speed limit. Thankfully, he was a wonderfully kind State Trooper who, upon learning that I'd never been stopped in Minnesota before, wasn't a regular commuter, and was on my way to a doctor's appointment, gave me a warning and a kindly suggestion to slow down and watch for Troopers down the road. :)
Up go my numbers, slowly, finally. After last Wednesday's appointment, they bumped me up to 225 units of Gonal-F and 150 Menopur. After Friday's appointment, they bumped me up to 300 (!) units of Gonal-F and 150 Menopur. Apparently the nice, gentle dosages that they started me on meant nothing to my body. It took doubling and adding and upping everything before my body finally started to get into gear. There's no real problem with this at this point. It just means that it's been a long, slow cycle, and that I've been churning through meds. In fact, I'm held hostage at Mayo at this very moment, waiting for my insurance to call me back about an authorization for yet another refill of meds to get me through the next couple days. The good news is that, after a fairly disappointing set of bloodwork/ultrasound results on Friday, my body kicked into gear this weekend, and things are looking good today. At this point, it seems likely that I'll have another round of bloodwork/ultrasound on Wednesday, and then again Thursday, hoping to trigger Thursday night and do retrieval on Saturday. But that is all just a guess. I'll know more when I get my full results this afternoon.
Up goes my excitement, my anxiety, and my resignation. The closer we get to retrieval and transfer, the more excited I get about the possibility of being pregnant (because, hey, it IS a risk of IVF, right? Ha.). Also, though, the more I feel like this is a "starter cycle," the failed cycle you have to get out of the way before you do a successful one. So up goes my resignation. It's not pessimism yet, and I'd like to keep it that way! Up goes my anxiety as I think about retrieval day and going under anesthesia, and as I grow weary of being courageous for all these blood draws and injections.
Up goes my sense of humor in all of this, and my fear that perhaps this cycle is cursed and not meant to be. It's been full of strange complications. It was complicated to figure out all the details of my prescription plan and pharmacy back at the start of this. I've had messages from the nurses not show up on the call-in line like they were supposed to. I've mussed with prescription refills. I've had to do redundant bloodwork at the start of this because my home lab didn't figure out to tell me that they couldn't get my results in time. I've had two different lab orders not come through, which leave me looking silly at the lab desk while the registration person has to call up three floors to ask the order to be resubmitted. My expectations of doing the 3 hour drive to Rochester for 20 minutes of appointments haven't panned out, and instead, I find myself lingering for grand stretches of time up here (but grateful that there are such lovely spaces to linger and rest, get work done, eat and drink). I've gotten pulled over for speeding for the first time EVER in my life. Yeesh. There are plenty of minor things that have gone wrong, or at least sideways, in this process. Nothing that has harmed the process. But if I were a person who believed in omens...well, I wouldn't be feeling to great right now. Good thing I don't put much stock in omens other than a little fluffy superstition here or there that I don't actually believe.
So. Up we go. Upwards and onwards. Up, up, and away. Despite the ups and the downs, this is really a short three week span of life that, hopefully, will result in something sweet, beautiful, and much-desired.
Up to Rochester. Up for bloodwork and ultrasound on Friday. Up for bloodwork and ultrasound again today. As we get to the fine-tuning business as we near retrieval, up again, perhaps more frequently this week, to watch and micromanage meds until everything is just perfect. I'm not yet sick of the drive, which is good. But I'm also getting impatient and careless. I got pulled over this morning because I was rushing to get up for my appointment and was definitely going faster than the 55 mph speed limit. Thankfully, he was a wonderfully kind State Trooper who, upon learning that I'd never been stopped in Minnesota before, wasn't a regular commuter, and was on my way to a doctor's appointment, gave me a warning and a kindly suggestion to slow down and watch for Troopers down the road. :)
Up go my numbers, slowly, finally. After last Wednesday's appointment, they bumped me up to 225 units of Gonal-F and 150 Menopur. After Friday's appointment, they bumped me up to 300 (!) units of Gonal-F and 150 Menopur. Apparently the nice, gentle dosages that they started me on meant nothing to my body. It took doubling and adding and upping everything before my body finally started to get into gear. There's no real problem with this at this point. It just means that it's been a long, slow cycle, and that I've been churning through meds. In fact, I'm held hostage at Mayo at this very moment, waiting for my insurance to call me back about an authorization for yet another refill of meds to get me through the next couple days. The good news is that, after a fairly disappointing set of bloodwork/ultrasound results on Friday, my body kicked into gear this weekend, and things are looking good today. At this point, it seems likely that I'll have another round of bloodwork/ultrasound on Wednesday, and then again Thursday, hoping to trigger Thursday night and do retrieval on Saturday. But that is all just a guess. I'll know more when I get my full results this afternoon.
Up goes my excitement, my anxiety, and my resignation. The closer we get to retrieval and transfer, the more excited I get about the possibility of being pregnant (because, hey, it IS a risk of IVF, right? Ha.). Also, though, the more I feel like this is a "starter cycle," the failed cycle you have to get out of the way before you do a successful one. So up goes my resignation. It's not pessimism yet, and I'd like to keep it that way! Up goes my anxiety as I think about retrieval day and going under anesthesia, and as I grow weary of being courageous for all these blood draws and injections.
Up goes my sense of humor in all of this, and my fear that perhaps this cycle is cursed and not meant to be. It's been full of strange complications. It was complicated to figure out all the details of my prescription plan and pharmacy back at the start of this. I've had messages from the nurses not show up on the call-in line like they were supposed to. I've mussed with prescription refills. I've had to do redundant bloodwork at the start of this because my home lab didn't figure out to tell me that they couldn't get my results in time. I've had two different lab orders not come through, which leave me looking silly at the lab desk while the registration person has to call up three floors to ask the order to be resubmitted. My expectations of doing the 3 hour drive to Rochester for 20 minutes of appointments haven't panned out, and instead, I find myself lingering for grand stretches of time up here (but grateful that there are such lovely spaces to linger and rest, get work done, eat and drink). I've gotten pulled over for speeding for the first time EVER in my life. Yeesh. There are plenty of minor things that have gone wrong, or at least sideways, in this process. Nothing that has harmed the process. But if I were a person who believed in omens...well, I wouldn't be feeling to great right now. Good thing I don't put much stock in omens other than a little fluffy superstition here or there that I don't actually believe.
So. Up we go. Upwards and onwards. Up, up, and away. Despite the ups and the downs, this is really a short three week span of life that, hopefully, will result in something sweet, beautiful, and much-desired.
Praying. Love you so much!
ReplyDeleteTo quote Lewis: "Further up and further in..." to something blessed and beautiful. Love and prayers for you!
ReplyDelete