Two doctor's appointments have taken place since my last entry.
The first one was quick and unsettling. It was a busy day and the clinic was running late, which wasn't a big deal for me, but seemed to up the anxiety of everybody around me. Weight was up a small but normal amount. Blood pressure still hovering in the 130s/80s. It was one of those half-naked appointments (fun times), to do the Group B strep swabs and a quick check for any progress whatsoever. Turns out this baby is hanging high, and there are absolutely no markers that (s)he is going anywhere anytime soon. Dr. Locke and I had another quick blood pressure chat, and even though I could tell that neither of us liked my numbers, he also said that, rationally, there was no reason to be worried. He said that, as a doctor, if he hadn't known my history, my BP numbers wouldn't cause him any concern. And so to be fair and reasoned with me as a professional, there was no sense in getting anxious. He also said that, since I was going to see him in just shy of a week for my next appointment, that we could definitely keep with a "wait and see plan."
Of course this was good news. No extra monitoring, no unexpected hospital stays, no rushing to evict a baby who (while full-term) will only benefit from more baking time. But the weird clashing of worrying-but-not-worrying still left me feeling discouraged when I left.
My next appointment was completely different and much sunnier! Matt was able to come with me, which was nice. My weight held steady, my blood pressure was back in the 120s (although my bottom number is still in the low 80), Owlet's heartbeat was fine (132 - a sluggish day!), and there really was nothing at all raising anybody's eyebrows. We also had a little time to talk through some of my c-section anxiety. Since my c-section with Sam was under general anesthesia, I don't have any real frame of reference for the procedure.
I'm anxious about having a needle stuck in my back, and anxious that the spinal might have to happen in the OR, apart from Matt. I'm anxious about how I will react, physically and emotionally, to the spinal. I'm worried that I'll feel claustrophobic when I can't feel my legs. I am totally freaked out by the fact that there is only a sheet hanging between my line of vision and a bunch of doctors and nurses who will literally be cutting me open while I am wide awake. I'm hoping that adrenaline and excitement will sustain me through the birth, but am worried that I will get anxious or upset while waiting for them to finish closing me up, especially when Matt and the baby inevitably leave me for some portion of that time.
Dr. Locke was helpful in talking through some of this anxiety, and I expect that we'll have another round of conversation about it this week (which is my last regular appointment before baby!!).
Other than my last couple appointments, there's nothing much to report. I've been feeling pretty good these past couple weeks. Somewhere around 35 or 36 weeks, I felt certain that this baby was going to show up early. But now in the last week and a half or so, I'm feeling pretty convinced that Owlet is going to be like Sam - staying firmly planted until evicted.
Over the weekend, it was so cold that we cancelled Sunday church, which meant that our whole weekend was spent together as a family, bundled up inside the house, doing all manner of house and Christmas projects. I spent way too much time on my feet, and paid the price for it by the end of dinner last night. My ankles and calves were so swollen, and my body felt so creaky and inflexible. For the first time this pregnancy, I had a little weepy moment, right before Sam's bedtime, because I felt so tired and fat and ugly and incapable of doing anything. And I started getting emotional about my last days as solo Mama to Sam, and worrying a little about postpartum emotions, and feeling like it is so important for Matt and I to find a time this week for a date, because soon there will be four of us instead of just three of us, and it's been a long time since it's been just the two of us...
Ugh. It was a little messy. But then I got to hang out with a sweet, sweet three-year-old who was adorable and funny during his bath, and well-behaved and sweet and cozy and cuddly during bedtime routine, and we filled in a few more pages of a special baby book that Sam gets to fill out on behalf of the new baby. By the time I made it back down to the couch, things were getting better. I had a rough time falling and staying asleep - my body was still feeling puffy and sore and achy and a little sick - but things continue to look better this morning, as they always do.
Can you believe that there will be a baby here ONE WEEK FROM TOMORROW? I mean, it's not like I'm waiting on a due date that could come and go. I have a literal deadline. One week from tomorrow. Crazy. I only have one more belly picture to take this Friday!
Speaking of which, here are my previous two:
The first one was quick and unsettling. It was a busy day and the clinic was running late, which wasn't a big deal for me, but seemed to up the anxiety of everybody around me. Weight was up a small but normal amount. Blood pressure still hovering in the 130s/80s. It was one of those half-naked appointments (fun times), to do the Group B strep swabs and a quick check for any progress whatsoever. Turns out this baby is hanging high, and there are absolutely no markers that (s)he is going anywhere anytime soon. Dr. Locke and I had another quick blood pressure chat, and even though I could tell that neither of us liked my numbers, he also said that, rationally, there was no reason to be worried. He said that, as a doctor, if he hadn't known my history, my BP numbers wouldn't cause him any concern. And so to be fair and reasoned with me as a professional, there was no sense in getting anxious. He also said that, since I was going to see him in just shy of a week for my next appointment, that we could definitely keep with a "wait and see plan."
Of course this was good news. No extra monitoring, no unexpected hospital stays, no rushing to evict a baby who (while full-term) will only benefit from more baking time. But the weird clashing of worrying-but-not-worrying still left me feeling discouraged when I left.
My next appointment was completely different and much sunnier! Matt was able to come with me, which was nice. My weight held steady, my blood pressure was back in the 120s (although my bottom number is still in the low 80), Owlet's heartbeat was fine (132 - a sluggish day!), and there really was nothing at all raising anybody's eyebrows. We also had a little time to talk through some of my c-section anxiety. Since my c-section with Sam was under general anesthesia, I don't have any real frame of reference for the procedure.
I'm anxious about having a needle stuck in my back, and anxious that the spinal might have to happen in the OR, apart from Matt. I'm anxious about how I will react, physically and emotionally, to the spinal. I'm worried that I'll feel claustrophobic when I can't feel my legs. I am totally freaked out by the fact that there is only a sheet hanging between my line of vision and a bunch of doctors and nurses who will literally be cutting me open while I am wide awake. I'm hoping that adrenaline and excitement will sustain me through the birth, but am worried that I will get anxious or upset while waiting for them to finish closing me up, especially when Matt and the baby inevitably leave me for some portion of that time.
Dr. Locke was helpful in talking through some of this anxiety, and I expect that we'll have another round of conversation about it this week (which is my last regular appointment before baby!!).
Other than my last couple appointments, there's nothing much to report. I've been feeling pretty good these past couple weeks. Somewhere around 35 or 36 weeks, I felt certain that this baby was going to show up early. But now in the last week and a half or so, I'm feeling pretty convinced that Owlet is going to be like Sam - staying firmly planted until evicted.
Over the weekend, it was so cold that we cancelled Sunday church, which meant that our whole weekend was spent together as a family, bundled up inside the house, doing all manner of house and Christmas projects. I spent way too much time on my feet, and paid the price for it by the end of dinner last night. My ankles and calves were so swollen, and my body felt so creaky and inflexible. For the first time this pregnancy, I had a little weepy moment, right before Sam's bedtime, because I felt so tired and fat and ugly and incapable of doing anything. And I started getting emotional about my last days as solo Mama to Sam, and worrying a little about postpartum emotions, and feeling like it is so important for Matt and I to find a time this week for a date, because soon there will be four of us instead of just three of us, and it's been a long time since it's been just the two of us...
Ugh. It was a little messy. But then I got to hang out with a sweet, sweet three-year-old who was adorable and funny during his bath, and well-behaved and sweet and cozy and cuddly during bedtime routine, and we filled in a few more pages of a special baby book that Sam gets to fill out on behalf of the new baby. By the time I made it back down to the couch, things were getting better. I had a rough time falling and staying asleep - my body was still feeling puffy and sore and achy and a little sick - but things continue to look better this morning, as they always do.
Can you believe that there will be a baby here ONE WEEK FROM TOMORROW? I mean, it's not like I'm waiting on a due date that could come and go. I have a literal deadline. One week from tomorrow. Crazy. I only have one more belly picture to take this Friday!
Speaking of which, here are my previous two:
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| 37 weeks - December 9, 2016 |
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| 38 weeks 2 days - December 18, 2016 |
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