Thirty-five weeks over here. Actually, halfway between thirty-five and thirty-six weeks today.
It's been a...rough...few days.
We're getting so close to the end, and I was telling Matt last night that I had fooled myself into thinking that I had not complained much during this pregnancy because I was dealing so well with it. But the truth is that for most of the pregnancy, there was nothing really to complain about. I don't say that to gloat. I say that because I know how many women deal with so much discomfort and pain and illness during pregnancy.
But last night, I hit a wall. Just flat-out broke down in tears for a few minutes.
For starters, this whole heartburn thing is not just old or uncomfortable at this point, it really drives you a little insane. Having to be strategic about what I eat and when I eat it, about how many pillows I sleep on and which side I sleep on, and managing how many Tums I feel safe eating when things feel really bad.
And everything - heartburn included - feels worse when you are tired. Which I am. All the time. Most of my fatigue is due to the fact that I am simply not sleeping at night for more than an hour and a half at a time. And when I wake up, it's not just a half-asleep roll over and doze off sort of affair. Each time I wake up, I'm AWAKE. At least two, if not three of those times in a night, I have to get up to go to the bathroom. And then there's always that one time I wake up, usually in the 4am range, where I just can't fall asleep. And so I waste half an hour trying to lull myself into sleepiness.
My feet and ankles are still really sensitive, and balloon up whether standing or sitting, unless I keep them put up. Shoes not fitting well at this point (though my hands are doing okay so far; rings still mostly fit).
The most recent wall that I hit is that I just don't move well anymore. We're at the point where the belly either gets in the way, or makes it impossible for me to bend and twist like I'm used to, or where bending squishes the belly up into my stomach giving me instant heartburn all over again (everything is connected!). So in addition to being tired, I feel slow. And uncoordinated. And sore.
Ok. So take all of that, and then add in the fact that we took Hilde (our little kitten) into the vet on Monday morning for her scheduled spaying. Chasing after a six-month old kitten, post-surgery, trying to keep her from licking her stitches, trying to keep her from prying off her sad but necessary "cone of shame" around her head, and sleeping on an air mattress in a small room with her the first night to make sure that she didn't hurt herself means that both Matt and I are a little tired and frazzled.
Yesterday, all of the not-sleeping and too-much-belly bending and heartburn conspired against me. I sprouted a migraine like I haven't had in a really long time due to the lack of sleep. I tried to sleep it off and in doing so, tweaked my neck, which made the headache that much worse. The only comfortable positions for trying to sleep with said headache were positions that made my heartburn so so bad. So I decided to try to take a bath to relax. Instead, all the fates conspired against me and, for the first time in FIFTEEN YEARS, I threw up, which sucked pretty much like you'd expect it to. I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening trying to calm my tummy, trying to wait out and sleep off my headache, and trying to hold it together like an adult instead just curling up into a pathetic ball and crying.
As the evening went on and I started to come around, I sat on the floor of the study with Matt, caring for our sleepy, drugged kitten, watching episodes of Frasier on Netflix, eating Wheat Thins and drinking Gatorade. And that is when I had a little crying, whining session. Like an over-tired little kid, I just didn't have the energy to pretend that I was dealing well with feeling so terrible for most of the day.
I only let myself wallow for a few minutes. Because I am so grateful to be pregnant, and so excited. And I think that hedgehog knew how sick I felt all day and tried to comfort me by rolling and kicking and generally being super-active, which always makes me smile. I'm nearing the end, which is only the beginning, and there is a whole mess ahead of us of not sleeping, feeling frustrated, and not knowing which end is up. But I'm feeling ready to trade the new version of exhausted and overwhelmed for this current version, I think.
32 days left until my due date. We're getting near the end. I just need to keep reminding myself that this, too, will pass.
And I need to take more naps. :)
It's been a...rough...few days.
We're getting so close to the end, and I was telling Matt last night that I had fooled myself into thinking that I had not complained much during this pregnancy because I was dealing so well with it. But the truth is that for most of the pregnancy, there was nothing really to complain about. I don't say that to gloat. I say that because I know how many women deal with so much discomfort and pain and illness during pregnancy.
But last night, I hit a wall. Just flat-out broke down in tears for a few minutes.
For starters, this whole heartburn thing is not just old or uncomfortable at this point, it really drives you a little insane. Having to be strategic about what I eat and when I eat it, about how many pillows I sleep on and which side I sleep on, and managing how many Tums I feel safe eating when things feel really bad.
And everything - heartburn included - feels worse when you are tired. Which I am. All the time. Most of my fatigue is due to the fact that I am simply not sleeping at night for more than an hour and a half at a time. And when I wake up, it's not just a half-asleep roll over and doze off sort of affair. Each time I wake up, I'm AWAKE. At least two, if not three of those times in a night, I have to get up to go to the bathroom. And then there's always that one time I wake up, usually in the 4am range, where I just can't fall asleep. And so I waste half an hour trying to lull myself into sleepiness.
My feet and ankles are still really sensitive, and balloon up whether standing or sitting, unless I keep them put up. Shoes not fitting well at this point (though my hands are doing okay so far; rings still mostly fit).
The most recent wall that I hit is that I just don't move well anymore. We're at the point where the belly either gets in the way, or makes it impossible for me to bend and twist like I'm used to, or where bending squishes the belly up into my stomach giving me instant heartburn all over again (everything is connected!). So in addition to being tired, I feel slow. And uncoordinated. And sore.
Ok. So take all of that, and then add in the fact that we took Hilde (our little kitten) into the vet on Monday morning for her scheduled spaying. Chasing after a six-month old kitten, post-surgery, trying to keep her from licking her stitches, trying to keep her from prying off her sad but necessary "cone of shame" around her head, and sleeping on an air mattress in a small room with her the first night to make sure that she didn't hurt herself means that both Matt and I are a little tired and frazzled.
Yesterday, all of the not-sleeping and too-much-belly bending and heartburn conspired against me. I sprouted a migraine like I haven't had in a really long time due to the lack of sleep. I tried to sleep it off and in doing so, tweaked my neck, which made the headache that much worse. The only comfortable positions for trying to sleep with said headache were positions that made my heartburn so so bad. So I decided to try to take a bath to relax. Instead, all the fates conspired against me and, for the first time in FIFTEEN YEARS, I threw up, which sucked pretty much like you'd expect it to. I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening trying to calm my tummy, trying to wait out and sleep off my headache, and trying to hold it together like an adult instead just curling up into a pathetic ball and crying.
As the evening went on and I started to come around, I sat on the floor of the study with Matt, caring for our sleepy, drugged kitten, watching episodes of Frasier on Netflix, eating Wheat Thins and drinking Gatorade. And that is when I had a little crying, whining session. Like an over-tired little kid, I just didn't have the energy to pretend that I was dealing well with feeling so terrible for most of the day.
I only let myself wallow for a few minutes. Because I am so grateful to be pregnant, and so excited. And I think that hedgehog knew how sick I felt all day and tried to comfort me by rolling and kicking and generally being super-active, which always makes me smile. I'm nearing the end, which is only the beginning, and there is a whole mess ahead of us of not sleeping, feeling frustrated, and not knowing which end is up. But I'm feeling ready to trade the new version of exhausted and overwhelmed for this current version, I think.
32 days left until my due date. We're getting near the end. I just need to keep reminding myself that this, too, will pass.
And I need to take more naps. :)
 |
| 35 weeks 3 days. Bad hair and weird smile; that's what a migraine hangover looks like, apparently. |
Oh honey. If it's any comfort at all, you are at the exact right point to hit The Wall. I don't know why it happens, but I've come to think it's your body's way of making you "downshift." You will have to move slower for the next few weeks, but hopefully it won't feel as bad as yesterday did! I wish there was Maalox out there...it's better than Tums.
ReplyDeleteAll of this is the birthing of a mother! You are preparing to birth a baby (soon!), but you yourself are being born anew, too, giving of yourself to nourish another. And it's so hard. But you can be proud of it. And I'm proud of you! And I'm so excited to come see you. And I'll stop using And now. xx