Laughing with Sarah

I just got off the phone with my RE's office, taking care of three items of business that are all big in their own ways. I called in to get things started for another frozen transfer cycle. No sense in waiting. So just like that, we are onto another cycle of meds and blood draws and ultrasounds leading up to a fourth embryo transfer. I want to feel hopeful, but right now, I can only assume that this cycle will end up like all three of the others. I mean, a lot of me is pressing forward because hey, we have at least six good embryos frozen and it'd be a shame not to go ahead and keep trying. I know that I'll bounce back, but right now, I'll admit that I have a pretty lousy attitude going into this cycle, even if I passionately want to press ahead and do it. So related to this, I also scheduled a consult with my RE to ask the same question I asked last time, "Is there anything that we should be looking for, or anything we should do differently, or any possib...

It feels like summer today.  Not like it is October 24th. Sunny, blue skies, 77 degrees outside. Beautiful weather. Like summer the way summer should be. Perfect weather for a Summer Shandy, don't you think? Yes. The small upside in getting the "not-pregnant" phone call after today's blood draw is that at least I could drink one of those and enjoy the sun. Not sure I can articulate any other upsides, because really, it sucks that this is our third embryo transfer and it is our third failure.  And I don't quite know what to think about it all. If I think too hard, I just cry, and that gets ugly after a bit, trust me.  So for now, I'm just going to focus on the sun, and the business of these next days, and gear up for whatever it is that comes next.

It's Monday. i'm waiting waiting waiting until Wednesday's blood draw... After transfer last Wednesday, I spent the day doing nothing, and got so bored and stir crazy that I ended up being just horrible and cranky and argumentative with Matt. Yuck. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, all uneventful and still days filled with post-transfer hope and optimism. Boobs were sort of sore (though they've been sore from the progesterone supplements this whole time since retrieval, so there probably was nothing remarkable to it), and felt kind of normal, but hopeful. Yesterday was Sunday. I was brutally exhausted, and feeling like I was coming down with a head or chest cold. Exhausted, hungry, a little crampy, but no boob soreness. So I spent the entire day convinced that my body was just working itself up to start a period (like it did our first IVF cycle), but nothing came of the day. Today, I feel good. Like myself. Nothing is sore, nothing is crampy, nothing is bloate...

Ready for transfer! All smiles and gowns and jumpsuits... Post-transfer and happy, ready for 30 minutes of flat-on-back time   All set up for spending the rest of the afternoon off of my feet, just to be safe. I'm wearing my lucky socks (knit specifically for the IVF cycle)! Also notice the necessary items for a couch-bound afternoon: knitting, magazines, chocolate, and television.

I'm feeling restless and frustrated right now, in that way specific to people who are recovering from illness or injury. Because my head feels good and normal. I'm thinking like normal, most of my body feels like it should, and common sense tries to tell me that I've been sitting on my butt ALL DAY, and I really should DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE. Add to that the fact that since my procedure yesterday, I've been HUNGRY. I ate and ate and ate yesterday. And today, too. And the thing that stinks is that I've been working so hard to lose weight and get fit, and not only does all of the sitting around and eating make me feel gross, but the crazy bloating taking place because of the retrieval is making me feel even fatter and grosser, and the ONLY thing I want to do right now is go for a run... ...but if you were to watch me try to walk right now, you'd know that running is OUT. OF. THE. QUESTION. And so I'm a little mad that retrieval kicked my butt like...

Ready to go! (IV in right hand...sad band-aid on left hand...) Nope. Didn't keep up tracking my meds here this time. It was a quick cycle and I was busy. Having upped my dosages to speed things up, my estrogen level was up to 4000 by this past Tuesday morning, which (according to Dr. Google) is on the high side of normal. So this probably why my doctor had me trigger Tuesday night for a Thursday morning retrieval. Yesterday's retrieval went well. Well, mostly.  They had trouble getting my IV in, so yeah, that wasn't great. A nurse was digging around in my left hand and I am so surprised that I didn't faint. Yuck. But try two on my other hand went quickly and easily. I wore my lucky socks yesterday - socks that I had started knitting during our first IVF cycle but didn't finish - and the last thing I remember as I drifted off in the procedure room was explaining the socks after being complimented on them. I woke up easily and felt good but sore. ...

And so, without much fanfare, we have started this next round of IVF. At our consult last month, my doctor had no real reason to believe that there was anything except for bad luck to blame for our first IVF and FET failures. The only thing he could think of to do was try to shorten the time between start of cycle and retrieval, so he upped my starting dosage of the Follistim. Last IVF cycle, we started at 300 IU Follistim. This cycle, we begin with 450 IU. So Saturday night we started injections. We attended a friend-of-my sister's wedding (because I officiated!), and it was beautiful. And it was really fun to hang out with my sister and her boyfriend at the reception. Except that near the end of dinner, I came down with crazy migraine, which made all of me feel just terrible. So we ducked out of the festivities early, got home, and I settled on the couch with a pillow and blanket, trying to feel better. And so I was not so pleased to have to do our first injection. ...