Laughing with Sarah

The last week and a half has been spent taking care of tests that our RE ordered, so that we can move ahead with our first IVF cycle next month as informed as we can be. Last week held a blood test and ultrasound for me - my first of either with this new doctor - and it was surprisingly anxiety-provoking. I guess that I haven't had any bloodwork or other procedures done since my surgery. That may explain a little of my anxiety. Earlier this week, Matt had some tests done, and then yesterday, he was the biggest sweetheart in the world, and took the day off to be with me for my HSG. An HSG - a hysterosalpingogram - is an x-ray of the uterus and fallopian tubes with the use of a contrast dye, of sorts. So the x-ray isn't a big deal, but getting the dye injected into the uterus is a bit of a hassle, and pretty uncomfortable. I'd heard reports that this particular test was pretty painful...but I'd also heard from people who said that taking a couple ibuprofen prior...

Since the start of 2012, just a few short weeks ago, no less than eight different friends of mine have announced pregnancies. About half of these friends are having first babies, and about half of these friends already have children. Each announcement makes me feel defeated. I mean, first, I feel jealous. And mostly, it's jealousy over the ability of others to procreate like normal. I am in a bitter place right now, I've realized, where I resent the fact that I don't have the option of "normal." Others decide to try for a baby, and get to do it the fun way...the simple way. We decide to try for a baby, and we have to save up ten thousand dollars, make doctor's appointments, go through weeks of injections, anesthesia...and all to get us to the uncertainty of a two-week wait, where we face the reality that none of these interventions guarantee us a baby. And then after I get over that first flicker of jealousy, I feel left behind, as if having children...