Today was another doctor day!
Weighed in at a mere four pounds heavier than last time. Yup. Turns out I was fretting and stressing for no reason. My doctor asked me, point-blank, if it was hard to make peace with changing weight/body shape, because many women have that struggle. I definitely minimized my crazy and told him that it wasn't a struggle or concern, only that it is a strange place of unknown, since it's my body's first time putting on pregnancy weight, and I have no idea what to expect. And, to be honest, I think this is the root of my minor freak-out. Because I don't want to have a month where I gain too much or too little and get lectured because of it. But I have no idea how to estimate my weight gain in weeks between appointments, nor do I have any realistic sense of how size and weight correspond (or not). Anyway. My gain from the beginning until now is around eight pounds, and that is quite a reasonable number, and puts me well within my target range of 25-35 pounds gained by the end of the pregnancy.
My doctor affirmed our ultrasound last week, saying "everything looks perfect." He assured us that even though the ultrasound showed hedgehog measuring about five days ahead, there was a wide swing as far as margin of error goes, and that we're fine and right on target for size and expected due date.
Heartbeat was easy to find again, which is always a huge sigh of relief for me. Still love hearing that sound. And my belly is measuring at about 23-24cm. So...within range, but on the upper side of range. That plus the five-day ahead size estimate plus the estimate weight last week of nearly a pound makes me think that I am really just all belly at this point. Well, belly and boobs. But yeah. So I'm already starting to wonder if this means we're going to have a slightly early baby? Or just a BIG baby? Or maybe we just had a halfway-point growth spurt and things will average out over the next months.
Hedgehog was either really excited or really annoyed by the heartbeat check. Because as soon as I sat up, there was lots of turmoil in my belly. Silly hedgehog, flailing around.
Confession: between last week's ultrasound and the last two weeks (roughly) of feeling noticeable movement, my anxiety level is at an all-time low. Other months, I have held my breath through my appointments until we get to hear the heartbeat. Today, I didn't even think to be nervous.
I am glad to be feeling comfortable. But I also have to keep pinching myself to say "THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING!" Because it is still all crazy to me. I am 21 weeks, and so I'm used to the idea of being pregnant. I'm definitely not used to the idea of actually having and raising a baby.
This is where my next batch of anxiety shows itself at random moments. The panic about my physical ability to deliver a baby. And the panic about my ability to raise a child. And worries about such a huge life change. Because even a very wanted and very planned pregnancy is a huge life-changer. There is going to be a child in my care. And my life will never ever be the same. And I have to keep trusting that it will be good and beautiful and wonderful and meaningful - and I'm not worried that it won't be all those things. But the bigness of it all is starting to hit. And sometimes it makes my heart race.
I'm sure I'm not the only person who has wondered to herself, "can I actually do this?"
The answer, of course, is "yes." It's going to be amazing.
And I still have nearly 20 weeks to get used to the idea! :)
Weighed in at a mere four pounds heavier than last time. Yup. Turns out I was fretting and stressing for no reason. My doctor asked me, point-blank, if it was hard to make peace with changing weight/body shape, because many women have that struggle. I definitely minimized my crazy and told him that it wasn't a struggle or concern, only that it is a strange place of unknown, since it's my body's first time putting on pregnancy weight, and I have no idea what to expect. And, to be honest, I think this is the root of my minor freak-out. Because I don't want to have a month where I gain too much or too little and get lectured because of it. But I have no idea how to estimate my weight gain in weeks between appointments, nor do I have any realistic sense of how size and weight correspond (or not). Anyway. My gain from the beginning until now is around eight pounds, and that is quite a reasonable number, and puts me well within my target range of 25-35 pounds gained by the end of the pregnancy.
My doctor affirmed our ultrasound last week, saying "everything looks perfect." He assured us that even though the ultrasound showed hedgehog measuring about five days ahead, there was a wide swing as far as margin of error goes, and that we're fine and right on target for size and expected due date.
Heartbeat was easy to find again, which is always a huge sigh of relief for me. Still love hearing that sound. And my belly is measuring at about 23-24cm. So...within range, but on the upper side of range. That plus the five-day ahead size estimate plus the estimate weight last week of nearly a pound makes me think that I am really just all belly at this point. Well, belly and boobs. But yeah. So I'm already starting to wonder if this means we're going to have a slightly early baby? Or just a BIG baby? Or maybe we just had a halfway-point growth spurt and things will average out over the next months.
Hedgehog was either really excited or really annoyed by the heartbeat check. Because as soon as I sat up, there was lots of turmoil in my belly. Silly hedgehog, flailing around.
Confession: between last week's ultrasound and the last two weeks (roughly) of feeling noticeable movement, my anxiety level is at an all-time low. Other months, I have held my breath through my appointments until we get to hear the heartbeat. Today, I didn't even think to be nervous.
I am glad to be feeling comfortable. But I also have to keep pinching myself to say "THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING!" Because it is still all crazy to me. I am 21 weeks, and so I'm used to the idea of being pregnant. I'm definitely not used to the idea of actually having and raising a baby.
This is where my next batch of anxiety shows itself at random moments. The panic about my physical ability to deliver a baby. And the panic about my ability to raise a child. And worries about such a huge life change. Because even a very wanted and very planned pregnancy is a huge life-changer. There is going to be a child in my care. And my life will never ever be the same. And I have to keep trusting that it will be good and beautiful and wonderful and meaningful - and I'm not worried that it won't be all those things. But the bigness of it all is starting to hit. And sometimes it makes my heart race.
I'm sure I'm not the only person who has wondered to herself, "can I actually do this?"
The answer, of course, is "yes." It's going to be amazing.
And I still have nearly 20 weeks to get used to the idea! :)
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