Peeking my head around the corner

Fun with photo booths!

15w1d today. My favorite high-waisted, straight gray tweedy skirt no longer zips all the way up. I'm wearing it with a belly band today because it's one of my favorite articles of clothing, but it's funny to me that you STILL wouldn't know I was pregnant by looking at me. Weird the way that my body can be so different but still look so very much the same.

Anyway, it's been nearly two weeks since our last appointment, and we've spent the last two weekends sharing the news with family and friends. Nothing as public as Facebook yet or anything. But we were in Chicago for a friend's wedding, so we told the rest of our Chicago family and close friends in person. And we were up in the Twin Cities this past weekend for my ten-year college reunion, and told my other sister in person, as well as a few friends at the reunion.

At the wedding we attended two weeks ago, they had a photo booth at the reception, so Matt and I took advantage of the situation to create a cute way to tell people. I think that those pictures are pretty much the cutest thing we've done thus far as a couple...and it makes me really happy to look at the series.

But I'm STILL not sure that I'm ready to come out of hiding. It felt good to tell people, especially people who we love so dearly and who have been hoping and praying with us for so long now. But I've realized that I'm still in no hurry to go public. Matt has asked me how I plan to tell people at church. I think he feels like I might as well do an announcement in worship...which is about the last thing I want to do. I've told staff. I'll tell council next week. After that...I'm more than content to stay quiet and just let people talk. I figure that word will spread pretty quickly on its own, without me needing to do anything big. And besides, it won't be too long before it is obvious anyway.

Now here's the thing. I really am excited. I promise. I spent lots of private moments thinking about this baby and the rest of this pregnancy and how quickly these past 15 weeks have gone...but how much has happend during that time. I wake up every morning and poke my belly to see if it feels any bigger. I keep looking at myself in profile to figure out if I look pregnant. I keep knitting away at this insane blanket that I'm making, which is the most involved project I've ever taken on, and I'm loving it so much. I get chatty about pregnancy with Matt, and sometimes can't keep my mouth shut about it.

But I also like keeping this a secret as long as possible. Maybe because I'm still scared. But also because it's nice to have a secret. It's nice to have something beautiful and private. The end-game still seems so far away that there's no need to rush myself into the public eye. And seriously? It's sort of awkward. You tell people that you're pregnant, and then they want to talk to you about it, even though there's really not much at all to say right now. And I really don't like it when all eyes are on me. I'm not much one for lots of attention.

So for now, I'll just keep peeking around the corner, showing my face to folks now and again, but happy to still be in a mostly anonymous place for right now. There'll be plenty of time to go public later.