Yesterday, I hit the 12 week mark. I'm still unsettled and cautious, and won't fully buy into the "I'm definitely pregnant" sentiment until after next week's appointment. I don't want to get too excited, because I'm still afraid that something bad has happened between my last appointment and now.
But I'm also getting weary of being anxious all the time. I have more and more moments when I slip into thinking of myself as pregnant and treating myself that way; moments of truly believing that I'm pregnant without qualification. It's still a mixed bag, though. I have gotten used to the idea enough that I will be devastated if things go wrong. At the same time, I still absolutely positively cannot actually imagine having a baby at the end of this. I think that we've been trying so long that getting and staying pregnant is the goal...and I forget that pregnancies end with babies. And sometimes, like last night, I have my own personal little freak-out moment when I think about actually birthing a baby and actually raising a child.
As far as how I'm feeling physically, a lot of the fatigue has gone away. I still appreciate long nights of sleep, but I'm taking fewer mid-afternoon naps. I still feel good, with a little heartburn starting to show up here and there...mostly avoidable, though. It shows up when I do things like eat a ton of pizza or drink a lot of coffee.
For a few days now, I've been feeling like my clothes don't fit quite like I want them to. I mean, for a month now, my huge boobs have been a source of frustration, but they haven't seriously affected the way my clothes fit. But over the weekend, I just felt thick and a little lumpy. And this morning, I feel like I have a decided belly. Not a baby bump. Just a belly. As if I've gained some weight but it has only gone to my belly button. The pants I'm wearing today still fit, and fit fine, but don't I remember them being looser than this a couple weeks ago?
I guess that maybe, just maybe, I might actually be pregnant.
But I'm also getting weary of being anxious all the time. I have more and more moments when I slip into thinking of myself as pregnant and treating myself that way; moments of truly believing that I'm pregnant without qualification. It's still a mixed bag, though. I have gotten used to the idea enough that I will be devastated if things go wrong. At the same time, I still absolutely positively cannot actually imagine having a baby at the end of this. I think that we've been trying so long that getting and staying pregnant is the goal...and I forget that pregnancies end with babies. And sometimes, like last night, I have my own personal little freak-out moment when I think about actually birthing a baby and actually raising a child.
As far as how I'm feeling physically, a lot of the fatigue has gone away. I still appreciate long nights of sleep, but I'm taking fewer mid-afternoon naps. I still feel good, with a little heartburn starting to show up here and there...mostly avoidable, though. It shows up when I do things like eat a ton of pizza or drink a lot of coffee.
For a few days now, I've been feeling like my clothes don't fit quite like I want them to. I mean, for a month now, my huge boobs have been a source of frustration, but they haven't seriously affected the way my clothes fit. But over the weekend, I just felt thick and a little lumpy. And this morning, I feel like I have a decided belly. Not a baby bump. Just a belly. As if I've gained some weight but it has only gone to my belly button. The pants I'm wearing today still fit, and fit fine, but don't I remember them being looser than this a couple weeks ago?
I guess that maybe, just maybe, I might actually be pregnant.
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