So on Saturday, I woke up and decided, last-minute, to go ahead and participate in our local Color Run 5k. No real training to speak of. Only a handful of runs and walks in the last few weeks. And yet I decided I'd regret it if I didn't do it. I've been dying to do a color run for a long while now.
And it was cool but sunny, and lots of fun, and even though I didn't run the whole thing, I still felt pretty good, and it felt AMAZING to be out and moving.
Not sure where I found the energy to get up and jump into the race. Maybe getting close to 11 hours of sleep Friday night had something to do with it? And if we're being totally honest, I crashed on the couch late that afternoon. But still. The whole decision to run felt very much like a decision made by a not-pregnant person.
I'm still stuck in this space where I don't feel pregnant. Not really at all. I'm overeating and oversleeping, but that can be explained away by stress and the gray weather and the way that my emotions are still a little bruised and wonky from transitioning out of one church (that I loved) into a new church (that I love), from one state to another state, from being a renter to being a homeowner...my emotions are out of whack.
I don't know what I want to be feeling right now, exactly. I had a weird nauseous spell right before lunchtime today, which I HATED, so I'm definitely not asking for morning sickness. But I definitely feel too good for my own good right now. Can't tell if my little bit of belly is baby or just too much junk food. And it doesn't seem to be growing. And the boobs are neither bigger nor smaller than they were last week, and not exactly sore, though not exactly not sore.
I suppose that I could understand not feeling or looking very pregnant at six or seven or even eight weeks. But now at nine? I dunno. I don't feel any different than two weeks ago.
And I'm not exactly anxious, but I really have just started assuming that the pregnancy isn't developing. It's not so much fatalistic or depressed as it is trying to manage my fear of the worst.
But really...shouldn't there be something that makes me feel pregnant right now? Symptoms or body changes or anything?
My first OB appointment is tomorrow. Lots of bloodwork, and peeing in a cup to verify that I'm actually pregnant. But as far as I know, no ultrasound or anything. Nothing to help assure me that everything is fine...or nothing to reveal if everything isn't fine. Just some needles and some conversation. Ugh.
As I said, I'm not so much anxious as I am impatient. I would just rather know something than be stuck here in the dark.
And it was cool but sunny, and lots of fun, and even though I didn't run the whole thing, I still felt pretty good, and it felt AMAZING to be out and moving.
Not sure where I found the energy to get up and jump into the race. Maybe getting close to 11 hours of sleep Friday night had something to do with it? And if we're being totally honest, I crashed on the couch late that afternoon. But still. The whole decision to run felt very much like a decision made by a not-pregnant person.
I'm still stuck in this space where I don't feel pregnant. Not really at all. I'm overeating and oversleeping, but that can be explained away by stress and the gray weather and the way that my emotions are still a little bruised and wonky from transitioning out of one church (that I loved) into a new church (that I love), from one state to another state, from being a renter to being a homeowner...my emotions are out of whack.
I don't know what I want to be feeling right now, exactly. I had a weird nauseous spell right before lunchtime today, which I HATED, so I'm definitely not asking for morning sickness. But I definitely feel too good for my own good right now. Can't tell if my little bit of belly is baby or just too much junk food. And it doesn't seem to be growing. And the boobs are neither bigger nor smaller than they were last week, and not exactly sore, though not exactly not sore.
I suppose that I could understand not feeling or looking very pregnant at six or seven or even eight weeks. But now at nine? I dunno. I don't feel any different than two weeks ago.
And I'm not exactly anxious, but I really have just started assuming that the pregnancy isn't developing. It's not so much fatalistic or depressed as it is trying to manage my fear of the worst.
But really...shouldn't there be something that makes me feel pregnant right now? Symptoms or body changes or anything?
My first OB appointment is tomorrow. Lots of bloodwork, and peeing in a cup to verify that I'm actually pregnant. But as far as I know, no ultrasound or anything. Nothing to help assure me that everything is fine...or nothing to reveal if everything isn't fine. Just some needles and some conversation. Ugh.
As I said, I'm not so much anxious as I am impatient. I would just rather know something than be stuck here in the dark.
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