Anybody out there have advice as to how to keep THE CRAZY at bay?
It hasn't even been a week since learning that I was pregnant, and I am already going out of my mind. I constantly think about whether my boobs are as sore as they were yesterday, or if I am feeling more cramping, or if I'm too tired or not tired enough. My heart races every time I use the bathroom because I'm sure I'm going to find bleeding. As I type this, well, WOW, how's that for a lot of TMI...but if you've been there, you know what I mean. Every day, I am sure that THIS will be the day that I'll lose this pregnancy, and every night, instead of feeling thankful for making it through another day, I feel anxious about what the next day might bring.
I hope against hope that my crazy brain will quiet down after Monday morning's ultrasound. I'm going to be a huge ball of nerves between now and then. All three of my losses have been early. Within the first week and a half of knowing that I was pregnant. And the last loss happened after our previous FET cycle, and it happened the night before my first ultrasound.
What I want right now: to make it to Monday morning without miscarrying. And what I really really want: for them to find a perfect little sac when they do the ultrasound. Hopefully then I will breathe a little easier.
But right now, I am anxious all the time. And distracted. And no one knows, and I don't want to tell anyone. I just want time to speed up. I want a little more conclusive proof that I'm still pregnant. I want a baby. I have been waiting so long, and I've been through so much, and I really really don't want to wallow in all of that, because this whole ordeal has helped me grow as a person, and it has helped us grow in our marriage, but I'm ready for it finally to be my turn. I'm ready for things to finally go right.
And it all makes my heart just ache.
4 weeks, 5 days today. And a long way to go.
It hasn't even been a week since learning that I was pregnant, and I am already going out of my mind. I constantly think about whether my boobs are as sore as they were yesterday, or if I am feeling more cramping, or if I'm too tired or not tired enough. My heart races every time I use the bathroom because I'm sure I'm going to find bleeding. As I type this, well, WOW, how's that for a lot of TMI...but if you've been there, you know what I mean. Every day, I am sure that THIS will be the day that I'll lose this pregnancy, and every night, instead of feeling thankful for making it through another day, I feel anxious about what the next day might bring.
I hope against hope that my crazy brain will quiet down after Monday morning's ultrasound. I'm going to be a huge ball of nerves between now and then. All three of my losses have been early. Within the first week and a half of knowing that I was pregnant. And the last loss happened after our previous FET cycle, and it happened the night before my first ultrasound.
What I want right now: to make it to Monday morning without miscarrying. And what I really really want: for them to find a perfect little sac when they do the ultrasound. Hopefully then I will breathe a little easier.
But right now, I am anxious all the time. And distracted. And no one knows, and I don't want to tell anyone. I just want time to speed up. I want a little more conclusive proof that I'm still pregnant. I want a baby. I have been waiting so long, and I've been through so much, and I really really don't want to wallow in all of that, because this whole ordeal has helped me grow as a person, and it has helped us grow in our marriage, but I'm ready for it finally to be my turn. I'm ready for things to finally go right.
And it all makes my heart just ache.
4 weeks, 5 days today. And a long way to go.
Comments
Post a Comment