Let's not linger on the fact that I STILL haven't called my RE to schedule a follow-up consult after our failed FET cycle, and to talk about starting a new IVF cycle later this summer, ok? I'm a procrastinator.
I've been catching up on blogging today. I don't know how it happened, but I'm that crazy person who tries to maintain at least three blogs at one time (and that also has a dormant blog from last summer's Tanzania trip, as well as a dormant and laughable blog about my running endeavors from a time in the past when I wanted to be a faithful runner). So after catching up and tidying up my original, catch-all blog, and after scheduling some new entries for my church blog (which I actually DO update regularly), I thought I'd stop over here as well.
I was reading through the last couple entries here, and I was struck by how consistent - and accurate - a persona I convey in those posts. And here's the suprising and beautiful thing: the nifty (albeit moody) person that you see on the blog here? It's totally me. I hadn't realized until today just how honestly and accurately my voice on this blog conveys who I really am.
The wedding I did a month back? I mentioned to the pastor who was doing the wedding with me that now, at 31, I am exactly the person who I thought I was (and wanted to be) when I was 21. In college, I really thought I knew myself and was true to myself. But everything I THOUGHT I was in college? Well, I'm finally that person. And I was totally NOT nearly as much that person as I thought I was ten years ago.
So I like the feeling I get when I realized that I have finally really settled into being who I am. And I'm pretty darn happy with it. I'm creative and a pretty solid optimist. I'm thoughtful, and pretty witty. I'm verbose and that's a-ok with me. I see the big picture, and even when I get knocked around, I don't stay down very long. I do crafty things, I consider food to be a high form of entertainment, I love my husband like crazy, I am hopelessly devoted to my family, I enjoy low-tech AND high-tech entertainment and toys, I am not terribly quirky but definitely self-conscious, and that's okay too.
And so, for as rough as the last year has been, and for all of the frustration of not having children yet, I still really like being me. And I'm not sure that I'd want to trade my life away for anybody else's, even if it got me a baby. Because I'd say that for my 31 years, I'm doing darn well. I'm not going to pretend that I haven't been blessed. And I'm overwhelmingly grateful.
I've been catching up on blogging today. I don't know how it happened, but I'm that crazy person who tries to maintain at least three blogs at one time (and that also has a dormant blog from last summer's Tanzania trip, as well as a dormant and laughable blog about my running endeavors from a time in the past when I wanted to be a faithful runner). So after catching up and tidying up my original, catch-all blog, and after scheduling some new entries for my church blog (which I actually DO update regularly), I thought I'd stop over here as well.
I was reading through the last couple entries here, and I was struck by how consistent - and accurate - a persona I convey in those posts. And here's the suprising and beautiful thing: the nifty (albeit moody) person that you see on the blog here? It's totally me. I hadn't realized until today just how honestly and accurately my voice on this blog conveys who I really am.
The wedding I did a month back? I mentioned to the pastor who was doing the wedding with me that now, at 31, I am exactly the person who I thought I was (and wanted to be) when I was 21. In college, I really thought I knew myself and was true to myself. But everything I THOUGHT I was in college? Well, I'm finally that person. And I was totally NOT nearly as much that person as I thought I was ten years ago.
So I like the feeling I get when I realized that I have finally really settled into being who I am. And I'm pretty darn happy with it. I'm creative and a pretty solid optimist. I'm thoughtful, and pretty witty. I'm verbose and that's a-ok with me. I see the big picture, and even when I get knocked around, I don't stay down very long. I do crafty things, I consider food to be a high form of entertainment, I love my husband like crazy, I am hopelessly devoted to my family, I enjoy low-tech AND high-tech entertainment and toys, I am not terribly quirky but definitely self-conscious, and that's okay too.
And so, for as rough as the last year has been, and for all of the frustration of not having children yet, I still really like being me. And I'm not sure that I'd want to trade my life away for anybody else's, even if it got me a baby. Because I'd say that for my 31 years, I'm doing darn well. I'm not going to pretend that I haven't been blessed. And I'm overwhelmingly grateful.
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