On the clinical side of things, we are ready to go! On birth control pills for the rest of the week in preparation for starting injections on Sunday. Baseline bloodwork and ultrasound coming up this Thursday. All my medications arrive tomorrow.
This is real.
It's really happening.
After so many months of "hurry up and wait," we are finally at "hurry up because it's all about to begin!"
I have talked with a few others about how this stage of things seems so disconnected from the actual goal of having a baby. Especially for those of us who hate needles, IVF is all about surviving one day at a time and not thinking ahead. In the process of not thinking ahead to your next day's injections, you find that you don't think ahead to being done with them (other than, perhaps, to feel a little anxious about egg retrieval and transfer, which are uncomfortable in different ways than injections). So you don't think ahead to post-transfer jitters and waiting. And you don't think ahead to a potential positive pregnancy test. You don't think ahead to hopes of a pregnancy, and you certainly don't think ahead to having a baby.
There is a disconnect. I feel like I am about to stick myself with needles because the doctor says so. I forget that I'm actually about to stick myself with needles because we're trying to have a baby. I haven't thought about the question, "What if this doesn't work?" And I haven't thought at all about the even crazier question, "What if this actually works??"
Because needles and hormones and bloodwork and injection schedules don't generally remind us of babies. Certainly not in the way that physical intimacy does. And so my brain would rather think, "In three weeks, I'll be done with needles and surgeries!" instead of "In four weeks, I might be pregnant."
It is an odd feeling to be disconnected like this.
This is real.
It's really happening.
After so many months of "hurry up and wait," we are finally at "hurry up because it's all about to begin!"
I have talked with a few others about how this stage of things seems so disconnected from the actual goal of having a baby. Especially for those of us who hate needles, IVF is all about surviving one day at a time and not thinking ahead. In the process of not thinking ahead to your next day's injections, you find that you don't think ahead to being done with them (other than, perhaps, to feel a little anxious about egg retrieval and transfer, which are uncomfortable in different ways than injections). So you don't think ahead to post-transfer jitters and waiting. And you don't think ahead to a potential positive pregnancy test. You don't think ahead to hopes of a pregnancy, and you certainly don't think ahead to having a baby.
There is a disconnect. I feel like I am about to stick myself with needles because the doctor says so. I forget that I'm actually about to stick myself with needles because we're trying to have a baby. I haven't thought about the question, "What if this doesn't work?" And I haven't thought at all about the even crazier question, "What if this actually works??"
Because needles and hormones and bloodwork and injection schedules don't generally remind us of babies. Certainly not in the way that physical intimacy does. And so my brain would rather think, "In three weeks, I'll be done with needles and surgeries!" instead of "In four weeks, I might be pregnant."
It is an odd feeling to be disconnected like this.
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