Within days of getting home from the hospital, I received a letter from the hospital. My first thought was, "Wow...they are QUICK with their billing..." But when I opened up the envelope, I found something very different inside. In the envelope was a letter, expressing sympathy for my recent pregnancy loss, and an invitation to a support group called SHARE, that was developed to support families who are grieving miscarriages, ectopic pregnancies, stillbirths, or newborn deaths. I flipped through the brochure that they included about the program, and tentatively penciled in the next SHARE group date onto my calendar.
Last night was the first SHARE meeting since my episode at the end of September, and I decided I should go. I found my way to the education building, took the elevator up three floors, and stalled mightily (checking my email on my phone and filling my water bottle!) before getting up the courage to walk into a huge boardroom with a ridiculously long table running down the center of it.
Water bottles, kleenex, and chocolate flowed freely. By the time we began, there were three couples and two other women besides me, and then a nurse and an intern who were facilitating the group.
It was a little awkward at first, when I filled out my "first time" info sheet, and as we moved into conversation. There was no structure to the night other than an invitation to share our stories. I heard stories from three different women who had lost their babies at 19, 24, and 31 weeks. We comforted a woman who experienced a loss at 12 weeks, and then a break-up with her boyfriend just a few weeks later. One of the couples had just lost their baby the previous day. I felt a little bit like the oddball, with my own grief coming less over lost babies (since both of my losses were so early), and more over my loss of the ability to get pregnant like a normal human being.
But we all had much in common, despite the variety of our stories. We all muddle through the various feelings of grief in daily life, and the way that those feelings come and go in weird waves. We all recognize that the loss of a pregnancy is really the loss of a life and the loss of all the things that come with your expectations for that life. We all laughed and cried and griped about frustrations, and shared stories of unintentionally insensitive comments that we've heard.
By the end of the night, I was TIRED. Emotionally exhausted. And very glad that I went.
Last night was the first SHARE meeting since my episode at the end of September, and I decided I should go. I found my way to the education building, took the elevator up three floors, and stalled mightily (checking my email on my phone and filling my water bottle!) before getting up the courage to walk into a huge boardroom with a ridiculously long table running down the center of it.
Water bottles, kleenex, and chocolate flowed freely. By the time we began, there were three couples and two other women besides me, and then a nurse and an intern who were facilitating the group.
It was a little awkward at first, when I filled out my "first time" info sheet, and as we moved into conversation. There was no structure to the night other than an invitation to share our stories. I heard stories from three different women who had lost their babies at 19, 24, and 31 weeks. We comforted a woman who experienced a loss at 12 weeks, and then a break-up with her boyfriend just a few weeks later. One of the couples had just lost their baby the previous day. I felt a little bit like the oddball, with my own grief coming less over lost babies (since both of my losses were so early), and more over my loss of the ability to get pregnant like a normal human being.
But we all had much in common, despite the variety of our stories. We all muddle through the various feelings of grief in daily life, and the way that those feelings come and go in weird waves. We all recognize that the loss of a pregnancy is really the loss of a life and the loss of all the things that come with your expectations for that life. We all laughed and cried and griped about frustrations, and shared stories of unintentionally insensitive comments that we've heard.
By the end of the night, I was TIRED. Emotionally exhausted. And very glad that I went.
That's awesome that your hospital has a program like that. Sad that a group such as that is needed, but awesome nonetheless.
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