It's really kind of funny to me that I didn't start this blog months or even years ago.
In March of 2008, while I was doing my year-long ELCA internship in Rockford, I received a phone call from my older sister, who was living in Scotland at the time. My first thought when I heard her voice on the other end of the line was "uh-oh, what happened?" Because I certainly didn't expect to receive a run of the mill phone call from the other side of the world. But it turns out that she was calling with WONDERFUL news: she was going to have a baby. Her fourth, to be exact.
I was 26 years old at that point. Matt and I had been married for three years, and I had not yet felt any sort of urgency or interest in starting a family. In fact, I had spoken to a few close friends, concerned about that fact that while I knew, deep inside my head and heart, that I wanted children, I was concerned that I hadn't yet felt that drive, that sense of "I need to do this...now."
As soon as I hung up the phone, though, something clicked. My heart jumped. And I realized that yes, I want this. And I want it now.
So that spring, Matt and I started to be a little fast and loose with things like birth control, not really feeling in a stable enough place to seriously start trying, but figuring that we'd might as well enter that "not trying but not preventing territory."
Fast forward to yesterday morning, September 18, 2011. I stared with very tired, early-morning eyes at a faint pink plus sign that darkened and darkened some more as I watched it. "Here we go again," I said to myself, feeling silly as I texted a picture of our big, fat positive to him, since he was out of town for the weekend.
Since that day in 2008, we've crossed many bridges: not-trying-not-preventing, trying seriously, trying with tools such as ovulation predictor sticks and charting temperatures, conceiving once and losing the pregnancy at 5 weeks, trying some more, feeling broken and frustrated, getting poked and prodded by doctors, getting stuck by needles, taking Clomid and getting injected withNovarel, and now, more than three years after this all began, and more than a year and a half after our singular pregnancy and loss...this is what I'm trying to make sense of:
This isn't your run-of-the-mill pregnancy blog. Not at all. As best I can see it, at least right now, this is a pregnancy-induced infertility and miscarriage blog that I never got around to writing. It is a blog of my hopes and fears and dreams. A place to remember and to process what I've been through, and then, after all that...a place, hopefully, to celebrate!
In March of 2008, while I was doing my year-long ELCA internship in Rockford, I received a phone call from my older sister, who was living in Scotland at the time. My first thought when I heard her voice on the other end of the line was "uh-oh, what happened?" Because I certainly didn't expect to receive a run of the mill phone call from the other side of the world. But it turns out that she was calling with WONDERFUL news: she was going to have a baby. Her fourth, to be exact.
I was 26 years old at that point. Matt and I had been married for three years, and I had not yet felt any sort of urgency or interest in starting a family. In fact, I had spoken to a few close friends, concerned about that fact that while I knew, deep inside my head and heart, that I wanted children, I was concerned that I hadn't yet felt that drive, that sense of "I need to do this...now."
As soon as I hung up the phone, though, something clicked. My heart jumped. And I realized that yes, I want this. And I want it now.
So that spring, Matt and I started to be a little fast and loose with things like birth control, not really feeling in a stable enough place to seriously start trying, but figuring that we'd might as well enter that "not trying but not preventing territory."
Fast forward to yesterday morning, September 18, 2011. I stared with very tired, early-morning eyes at a faint pink plus sign that darkened and darkened some more as I watched it. "Here we go again," I said to myself, feeling silly as I texted a picture of our big, fat positive to him, since he was out of town for the weekend.
Since that day in 2008, we've crossed many bridges: not-trying-not-preventing, trying seriously, trying with tools such as ovulation predictor sticks and charting temperatures, conceiving once and losing the pregnancy at 5 weeks, trying some more, feeling broken and frustrated, getting poked and prodded by doctors, getting stuck by needles, taking Clomid and getting injected withNovarel, and now, more than three years after this all began, and more than a year and a half after our singular pregnancy and loss...this is what I'm trying to make sense of:
This isn't your run-of-the-mill pregnancy blog. Not at all. As best I can see it, at least right now, this is a pregnancy-induced infertility and miscarriage blog that I never got around to writing. It is a blog of my hopes and fears and dreams. A place to remember and to process what I've been through, and then, after all that...a place, hopefully, to celebrate!
Comments
Post a Comment